It's really, really annoying to hear when he does it, because he's the one who caused pain, it wasn't done to him!!!!!! And the anger comes full force because he knew he was making those horrible choices but did it anyway. So now wants pity?
He is extreme NPD and he is SA and he is PA and his resentments he never discussed when they first bugged him are also coming out and he's trying (I think?) to find a way to peg this on me.
He hates psychology and self-inflection so I suppose the easiest way out for him is to push it on me? He worked really, really hard at false counseling to make me look and feel incompetent and like an emotional disaster.
Luckily, I continued after he quit and worked like a dog to prove myself, but soon questioned the counselor when she was so unsupportive of me. Once I learned he was feeding her crap, I stopped going. She would stand over my chair and yell at me while I cried and point in my face...that was the last time I went.
He will not own up to what he said to her, but she didn't get it out of a bag of candy or air, did she?
I am a little worried he will use that angle in court and I read a few websites where a person who abandons their family may try this tactic to make it seem like they tried everything they could...but what's the obvious point in the long run, even as I sit here sane as can be, is that he cheated.
Unfortunately, he hasn't had many consequences to suffer and if he does, he blames others, mainly, me. His siblings bail him out and take him in and the praise for OW is stunning, who knew he was married after confession, but keeps him anyway.
I am trying so hard to push myself to realize what his true colors are, but I think now that D is truly coming, I am having small periods of extra worry for what he will drum up to say about me.
Thank you for your insights and points of view. He did try to blame me for the A and for the loss of two jobs and some other stuff, things that I wasn't even present for!
You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.