I know it isn't right. I know it won't solve anything. But to give him a piece of the hurt right back!!!
Am I alone in this thought??
No interest for me. We are 5 months from D-Day. We want to R so that would pretty much through a damper on that!
Did I? No.
Do I still wish I could or would have? Sometimes. WH took some guns to a friend's cause he thought I might kill him. I thought he wanted to make I didn't get em in the divorce!
I was outrageously ANGRY 8 months out, it does get better
"Look, as sentient meat, however illusory our identities are, we craft those identities by making value judgments. Everybody judges, all the time. Now, you got a problem with that, you’re living wrong."
They will never feel it the way you did. I have thought of it. But then immediately dismissed it. The thought of another touching me makes me want to throw up.
I have never cheated in all my years with him, 18 years, and have never been tempted. I think some of us are satified with one partner, no matter the problems. Others handle things differently.
If you never cheated, then chances are, your only thinking of it now because your ego has been hit hard.
For the first six months, I felt I didn't have what it takes to keep him satisfied. Like I wasnt good enough, and I didnt do it for him. And I craved someone to make me feel I did it for them. Like I was likable and desirable. But I got over that.
And I spoke with a friend that was cheated on and she did revenge cheat. She said she did it to show him she was desirable and other guys would want her. But she also said it did nothing for the pain. And her marriage failed and now she hates him. It wont solve anything and you would just be sacrificing yourself and reducing yourself to their level. Dont do it. There are plenty of ways to start feeling good about yourself without doing that.
They will never know your pain, because they dont want to. Cheaters run from problems, this would just give them a chance to blame shift and put it all on you.
My WH accusing me of wanting that, thats why he keeps me really close. Checks my phone, needs to know who I talk to, ect. Its insulting. Especially since he never fessed up and I discovered what I do know for myself.
He won't talk about anything. And I know he is on the lookout for revenge cheating. So sick really. He could make things easier, but wont due to his own feelings. They are still more important than mine.
But I dont care anymore. I am dealing in my own way, and if my marriage fails it will be because Im sick of his selfishness. He will never know that pain due to my actions.
I have never heard of a relationship surviving revenge cheating. Its pretty much toast after that. I think because the actions are so delibrate. I mean you wont be able to say sorry and mean it.
Just think long and hard and dont make decisions when your upset. There is no rush. But I honestly dont believe it would help the situation. And also consider your WS, may use it as an excuse to revenge cheat on you. Then when does it stop? When you both have STD's?
Yes, you cant help entertaining the idea, but I am pretty sure the out come will not be what you are hoping for.
I would really like my WH to know this pain, and I believe if he knew how painful this was he probably would not have done it. But he also never thought I would find out, so he probably would have anyway. They dont care about our pain, they are too busy with theirs . Although I am sure there are some WS that do, mine just doesn't.
I will never forget the night he knew I knew, one of the things he said was, he just realized I was a person with feelings, WTF!!! He didnt know that before? Then he apologized that the affair hurt my feelings. WTF !!! Seriously? He had and still has no clue what he did to me, my heart, or the love I had for him.
Just take care of you, dont let them turn you into something your not.
my give a damn is busted
That being said, it's perfectly human of you to feel hurt and want to lash out at the source of your hurt in an equivalent way. But just sit with that and let it ride through. Whatever you do, do NOT act on it. Again, you will not want to live with that decision the rest of your life. That, I can promise you!
Please do not do this!
"The best revenge is success".
I think this means be happy and accomplish your goals. Show them you can be happy with or without them. Depends if they are worth keeping, but moving on and being happy no matter your choice.
Find your happy place and allow them to join if they deserve it.
This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet
"Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim." Nora Ephron
I suspect an actual retaliation affair, complete with the lies and deception would only make the WS feel "oh thank god we're even now"
^^^THIS^^^ Along with a hundred other valid reasons why it's just a bad idea... STD's, Safety, Compromising your own values etc... etc...
I have had a few opportunities over the past 15 years to cheat, but it is not my nature to do so.
Fantasy scenarios are one thing, most people have them. They rarely involve the months of looking at the agony you inflicted and wondering if that's really who you chose to be, though.
You never truly know what Shit creek looks like until you find yourself sitting in the middle of it without a paddle.
The other thing is that I am driven almost to the point of insanity wishing some sort of harm would come to the OM, I am a big believer in Karma and I feel as though it is failing to do its fair justice allowing him to walk around happy, I want him to be miserable the rest of his living days, and then all of whatever afterlife he believes in.The final message here is don't do it RA just justifies their actions to them, and makes you feel like crap.
Was the woman you had an RA with married?
If so, do you think he might be here wishing that misery on you?
Maybe the OM was inflicting an RA on his wife and you were just collateral damage to him.
These things all have ripples that extend way beyond the immediate moment and participants. The OP are not worth the energy for many reasons, this is one of them.