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Newest Member: coreintact (58982)

User Topic: Journaling my Infidelity
toasted22
♂ 38954
Member # 38954
Default  Posted: 5:14 AM, April 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I am now journaling my infidelity. I am going through everything I have done. Going through timeline, through books I have read about infidelity, trying to make sense of it.

It is helping me to remember stuff, bad stuff, horrible stuff. Stuff that makes me feel sick that I allowed/ invited to happen.

I am sharing this journal with BS. In a way it is good for me, being able to unpackage it all. Facing it, accepting what I have done. Breaking over it.

I think it is helping BS. Raises more questions for her which I try to answer.

It feels like my thinking was so warped and screwed. BS showed me a section in a journal I wrote 7 months ago. It was still some warped thinking. I have changed since then but she still wonders if I still think one way but tell her another.

I don't know how to convince her that I changed and chaning. She acknowledges that I am transitioning from the mess i was in. Its been a long haul of living the brainwashed existence I had.

In my journal I write about all the experiences I had. Awful.

How can I convince my BS that I am still worthy of the fight for our marriage. She has suffered so much, I have destroyed her and fully understand her rational for questioning why she is still with me.

Thanks for being there.


Posts: 249 | Registered: Apr 2013
authenticnow
♀ 16024
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 5:16 AM, April 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How can I convince my BS that I am still worthy of the fight for our marriage.
It's not an instant event. It's a process.

Keep doing what you're doing.


“Empathy has no script. There is no right way or wrong way to do it. It’s simply listening, holding space, withholding judgment, emotionally connecting, and communicating that incredibly healing message of “you’re not alone.” ~ Brene Brown

Posts: 54915 | Registered: Sep 2007
toasted22
♂ 38954
Member # 38954
Default  Posted: 9:20 PM, May 1st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So has anyone else journaled their infidelity as a way of process and exploration? Any advice, ideas to share?

Posts: 249 | Registered: Apr 2013
Steppenwolf
♂ 38140
Member # 38140
Default  Posted: 10:42 PM, May 1st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Directly after my BS's final discovery of my TT, I wrote down everything I ever lied to her about, relative or not. I think this journal idea is a great one. I'm sure it helps you initiate conversations around the A which is something I am just horrible with.
It can be hard to accept who we are and what we have done. But I think it's the only way to rid yourself of wayward thinking.


Me: WS- 30s
Her: BS- 30s RockyMtn



Posts: 126 | Registered: Jan 2013
toasted22
♂ 38954
Member # 38954
Default  Posted: 11:51 PM, May 1st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I think it is helping. I like to write and try and gather my thoughts and dig deep. So I write about what happened, possible reasons, what was going on etc

Then my BS reads and often challenges me hard out about some of what I have written which is what I need if I am going to be truly honest with myself and her.

We have just done this and it was tough but good. Some good hard questions were asked and I will try and answer them as best I can to her.

It just feels that when I write I feel a little safer to personally explore without necessarily get the anger (appropriate) and emotions that panic and shut me down.

It also sends a message that I am prepared to do the work. Its written down.

I can also reflect on questions etc with my IC and my BS with her IC.

After the last read/ talk I listened, wrote the questions down. I then thanked my BS for being tough with me and that I needed to be challenged.

I love her, but she doesn't like me at the moment which is totally understandable and something I hope to regain.


Posts: 249 | Registered: Apr 2013
badchoice
♂ 35566
Member # 35566
Default  Posted: 11:58 PM, May 1st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Journaling has not only helped me pick through the A, but also my FOO issues.

I bring my journal into IC too, and sometimes read what I wrote, or use it to take notes, or list items I want to discuss.

M IC is also interested in any dreams I have, so that too goes in there.

At one point, I made time to journal every morning and evening, and it was great. I set alarms to remind me, but I have gotten out of that habit.


Me: fWH/BH 46

Separated transitioning to D


Posts: 730 | Registered: May 2012 | From: L.A.
Topic Posts: 6

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