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Newest Member: FrustratedJoker (61483)

User Topic: MC #1
♀ 38838
Member # 38838
Default  Posted: 5:57 AM, April 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Made it to the MC. Filling out paperwork I find out WH chooses an out-of-network counselor. WTF? Why not? Who worries about money? Clearly not him. I try really hard not to be annoyed. I'm already depressed and this. Maybe he's right. Maybe I just think he fucks everything up.
So we go in to the office and the question is "what brings you here?" I am silent. He is silent. Wow, this is gonna go great. Finally he says something to the effect of he has been a lousy husband and he'd like to fix that.
When asked about the A, his answer was simply "I don't know why I did that to her"
The counselor asked when I have felt "special"....and my honest answer was "never."
He took all if the blame. I just don't know if he truly has it in him to change. It has been a mess for so long. Maybe this was just our wake up call that our time together, raising children, is over.
I just don't know...

Me: 44
WH: 50
D day 03.20.13
Married 25 years.
4 children; 6 between us

Posts: 32 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Pa
♀ 21101
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 7:50 AM, April 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I think you are selling things a bit short. The first session w/ MC is usually very unproductive as the counselor needs to gain an understanding of why you are there and they dynamics of the situation.

Honestly I think it's a positive sign that your H didn't try to blame, or act like he wasn't responsible for getting you two to that place.

Time is your friend on the road to R. I know it is have to accept that, and when you feel so awful all the time, you just want things to be better again. Try to be patient. Who knows maybe this counselor can really help H understand the amount of damage he has done, and more importantly, why he chose to do what he did.

Sorry you are hurting.

((((and strength ))))

Him: FWS
Kids: 18 & 20
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

Posts: 13279 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
♀ 31349
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, April 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Your dynamic sounds a lot like ours. Fwh wouldn't put any though or effort into us, our house, our lives.... He doesn't think ahead, he just wanted to ride bikes. During MC I was realizing that I should have bailed years ago because I was miserable, and he resented me for not telling him how awesome he was all day long.

In an unexpected turn of events he used counseling to become introspective and to try and learn how to be an effective partner. So here we are, starting from scratch.

I say hang in there and see how his goes... If he is taking ownership, a good counselor may be able to help him change his outlook on your relationship.

[This message edited by Jrazz at 1:08 PM, April 30th (Tuesday)]

"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom

Posts: 29076 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
♀ 38838
Member # 38838
Default  Posted: 5:59 AM, May 1st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What I have noticed is that he treats me like his mother. He expects me to do everything while he comes and goes like a teenager.
The sex part is where it becomes a bit twisted for me. Maybe that's the reason for the A?
I'd love to know what he said in this 10 minutes alone with the counselor...
I just hope my boys treat their women a whole lot better than we have shown them.

Me: 44
WH: 50
D day 03.20.13
Married 25 years.
4 children; 6 between us

Posts: 32 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Pa
♀ 39079
Member # 39079
Default  Posted: 8:20 PM, May 2nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Notgwen, I'm sorry your first session didn't went well. Like it was said here you should keep trying and give it a shot things may get better. You can always try a different counselor later if this one that work for you guys. At least you can feel like you trying everything you can. This is a long road and I really believe that are better day coming for all of us that are trying to search for happiness and a better tomorrow.

I'm looking forward to MC too. Years ago I tried counseling myself and didn't like it. I went to one session and never went back again but I'm willing to try it again.

Me: 32
WH: 36
DD: 04/21/13
Married: 4 months - together 2 years
No children
Status: Trying to figure out what to do

Posts: 42 | Registered: Apr 2013
Topic Posts: 5

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