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AtlantaGirl posted 4/30/2013 07:36 AM

SO is 51, I am 37. He has begun to experience ED issues when we are intimate. Sometimes he cannot achieve an erection, sometimes he can but loses it once intercourse begins. Even when we do manage intercourse, he rarely "finishes."

I asked if he experienced the ED when he masturbated, and he told me that if he "plays" with it enough then yes, he is successful.

Although he has done nothing to make me suspicious, I can't help but wonder if anything else is going on, or if that is just my own insecurities talking because of past hurts.

I guess my basic question boils down to this: Is it normal for a man to experience ED with his partner but not when he is alone?

Thanks!

idiot85 posted 4/30/2013 07:48 AM

YES! It totally is for a number of reasons. Think of it this way- and I know it's a bit crude but- if a girl's with a guy do they always finish- I'm a married man and I know this isn't the case- if a girls alone, I doubt they struggle!

I read loads about it a couple of months ago and even went to my GP because I thought I had a problem- mine was because of the stress of all this shit but there's all kinds of reasons- very very very (very!!) rarely the lady involved- I promise you that and alone- well you know what buttons to push and with no pressure whatsoever have time to focus on the finish.

Sad in AZ posted 4/30/2013 08:52 AM

Not a male, but I can attest that a guy with ED can indeed finish via masterbation without the use of ED drugs.

h0peless posted 4/30/2013 09:27 AM

Yes, totally normal. You might suggest that he see a doctor and have his testosterone levels checked.

wonderingbull posted 4/30/2013 11:32 AM

Yep... Completely normal...

WB

gahurts posted 4/30/2013 11:39 AM

There are some vitamins at GNC that have beta sterols and saw palmetto blends in them that help a lot in this area. I know because I have taken them for the same reason. Right now I am takign Mega Men 50+ for all of the vitamins I mat nneed and to try to build energy. A couple of years ago I took a pill from GNC called Prostalex to help with prostate issues I was having. As a result of this pill, the ED was gone.

atsenaotie posted 4/30/2013 11:57 AM

Yes

Stress, age, and 20 years playing the same course are causes I am familiar with. I am about the same age as your SO, and I am feeling the effects of age on my performance.

I also am familiar with the feeling that once there is an ED problem, the ED problem adds to the list of stress and problem.

There is a lot of sexual touching that is pleasurable, but not so focused on erection and orgasm for the male. Tantra exercises and play were helpful for me after dday when the stress and mind movies kicked in.

You maight also ask him to demonstrate masturbating himself for you, to include that in your love-making for his finish.

NGFinishLast posted 4/30/2013 13:48 PM

I would err on the side of fairness and give him the benefit of the doubt, since past hurt could be clouding your judgment.

There have been times when I just wasn't in the mood, but didn't want to pass up sex. Then there were times when the sex just wasn't good. Not saying it was her or me...just saying that particular "session" wasn't very enjoyable and I lost interest. I'm sure that happens with women. Your guy could have an off day and you just lay there and fake it to spare his feelings. We don't have that luxury, since you get an instant indicator of whether or not we're enjoying it.

Then it could just be his age and clinical ED. I have no experience there, but I can say that, in the mood or not, I can probably arouse myself a million times better than someone else because I know exactly what to do. Just be gentle in your handling of it. For most of us, our ego is directly tied to that issue.

downunder posted 4/30/2013 22:54 PM

Google erectile dysfunction heart disease. Just to be on the safe side.

k94ever posted 5/1/2013 08:50 AM

^^^^^^^ THIS. ^^^^^^^^

FWS died of massive cardiac failure. In hindsight, I should have insisted his doctor run tests on his heart because he also had other indicators.

Do it. Don't wait.

k9

AtlantaGirl posted 5/1/2013 10:49 AM

Thanks so much, everyone! You've given me such peace of mind, and I will definitely discuss these suggestions with SO!