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Stbxh, DD and House

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Ashland13 posted 4/30/2013 09:41 AM

Sorry for all my posts, I am working really hard not to freak out but feel it trying to get the better of me.

The newest drama is that STBXH said that he wishes DD10 could live with him "there". This made me throw up, but also pushed my worry buttons, wondering if he is going to attempt to take her away from me along with everything else? He said "I guess you get custody because you're the mother." What about besides what he did?

I notice that he didn't mention the baby to be in there.

I worked really hard not to respond to it but it's on my mind a lot today.

I know that he wanted to replace me in his life, but I was heartbroken to hear it or that he thinks so little of me as to do that and take away everything I have.


He also mentioned the house, which we built together. He said, "I suppose you get that too, being the mother." Besides, the children, this house is all that's left with the stuff it we collected over the years.

I can't tell if these are working thoughts or if it's him realizing his consequences are beginning to be "live"?

Any advice would be helpful, like, would he have any legs to stand on if he got serious about DD/baby or if OW pushed him at it?

He sold me down the river in so many ways, but taking away the children is not something that I can bear. Make that woman my children's mother? I am in such tears and have to pull myself together somehow.

I've mentioned before how he painted an image of me that is not favorable and I suspect it's in order to make himself look better, probably? Luckily, there are many people to vouch for me, including professionals and to vouch for his lying.

Thank you for any ideas...this is a major blow below the belt and something that I feared he would be thinking about.

Heavy Sigh posted 4/30/2013 09:47 AM

I think he's just making a play for the house - thinking he can keep the house if he gets custody of one of the kids. There are a whole lot of material "things" and "stuff" he mentioned in that conversation that he seems to regret losing more than the time with the kids.

Sell the house. Neither of you gets it. Start fresh, if possible.

ArkLaMiss posted 4/30/2013 09:50 AM

Start documenting everything now. When he picks up kids. When he doesnt, when he says things like that. Get phone records, start carring a voice activated recorder at all times around him in your pocket. Out him at work, to friends, etc. He's an ass.

Ashland13 posted 4/30/2013 09:59 AM

Thank you, Heavy Sigh.

My family members have worried about this for the duration. It's one reason I didn't leave except for a few hours for over a year.

There is a theory by those family members and some friends that he would be happy moving OW to the house he built for us and kicking me out with a baseball bat. Another thought that makes me gag.

Some of OWs own activities, like with stealing my pictures, did not helpt to alleviate my doubt.

I keep coming back to the fact that it was him that changed and not me. I know it's not too relevant, but for me it's quite relevant.

He keeps changing what he says about the house in particular. One day is kind, saying we can stay as long as we want to. Lately this has changed and he said "I'm not paying that mortgage forever." So this has me scared and I'm trying not to show that I am.

I just quietly log what he says and forward it to my lawyer. I'm hoping that it will also show how wishy-washy he is, so that for things like parenting, maybe won't work in his favor?

He's made himself basically homeless, so that could help, some have said but it may be simply to protect OW until the papers are in place? I have been told that may also be in favor of my getting custody.

I know that I over-analyze and am trying to slow it down, but it's a coping mechanism for otherwise having panic.

He has a term called "pushback". He used this when he was stealing stuff and selling it over the last year. It rings familiar with what's going now, where I'm getting the "pushback" this time. I don't know how accurate that is, just a word that came to mind that he used all the time to mean arguing if I didn't cave to anything and everything.

This is in relation to marital assets, which he had no realization that stuff isn't just "mine" anymore. I did ask him once we went to lawyer mode to stop giving things away or selling anything without my knowledge. He got quite angry when I had the nerve to bring it up because its yet again another "boundary".

Veering off topic I go again.

Nature_Girl posted 4/30/2013 10:05 AM

Hon, is there any way you can force yourself not to engage with him? Can you be NC except for simple one or two sentence emails/texts about visitation schedules? I mean it. This man seems to own the inside of your head. You need to reclaim that back for yourself. Stop talking to the crazy man. And for sure stop taking anything he says seriously. But do write it down to give to your lawyer.

As for taking your children away from you, the court will look at who the primary caregiver has been. That would be you.

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