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Undefinabl3 posted 4/30/2013 09:54 AM

Our lives since November first have been pretty much one disaster or emergency after another. Its been very stressful, and I actually had a mini meltdown/panic attack.

The latest was a water pipe busting in a wall in the house. So now we had to re drywall, put in 2 new floors, and paint. Our HOI deductable is high so that we can afford our monthly payments, and the cost of replacing all of the things was so close, we decided not to claim it.

When shit hits the fan, DH and I are the best team. We work together, we divy up responsiblities, and attack things like we were one person in two bodies.

Why in the hell can't we attack our relationship and fix it the same way?

To be honest, things between us are really good. We talk, we laugh, we havent had a low dip in a long time.

On the flip side, I never got any resolution to my worries that started me here. I have never gotten an email password or access to any of his online stuff. So I am basically just actively ignoring that part.

My gut doesnt scream that something is going on, but its hard to not know 100% truth of everything.

We are even though. He no longer has access to my things automatically - which was really freeing to me. I will give him access whenever he asks, without fail. I have nothing to hid, its just nice to know that I have been granted privacy back.

I just wish the same could be extended to me.

Like I said - I wish we could attack our relationship with the same drive, partnership, and compromise that we do projects that we do.

ms521 posted 4/30/2013 13:29 PM

When shit hits the fan, DH and I are the best team. We work together, we divy up responsiblities, and attack things like we were one person in two bodies.

Why in the hell can't we attack our relationship and fix it the same way?

I'm going to guess the reason why you don't attack your relationship the same way has something to do with the privacy you both seem to desire for yourselves. You claim he can access anything that belongs to you anytime he wants to ask you for it, but there's a difference between having to ask for access and having the ability to check in from time and time whenever the mood strikes. And it doesn't sound like he's being overly transparent with you either. In fact, it sounds to me like he still has stuff to hide. If he's not giving you access to his email or online history, then he's definitely hiding something.

When I learned about the "Find Friends" app for iPhone about a year ago, I thought it seemed like something fun and cute - WH could see I was dropping the kids at school, shopping at the mall, etc. I could see when his flight landed, where he was in a given state, or whether he was almost home. But WH didn't want any part of it. I remember asking him what he had to hide... and he gave me some bs excuse about data theft/government tracking and battery drain. Looking back - it might've been the only red flag, but it sure was a big one. I'd be very concerned about your H not opening up. It sounds like you're both willing to be "one person in two bodies" when it comes to burst pipes, but not the marriage, and I would start questioning why. I would even look into yourself - you sound almost relieved to have "privacy" back even though you state you have nothing to hide. As a FWW myself, I couldn't care less about privacy, except maybe in the bathroom.

Knowing posted 4/30/2013 15:16 PM

"... I wish we could attack our relationship with the same drive, partnership, and compromise that we do projects that we do."

Stop wishing, start today! Brace yourself, there's no good reason that you don't have full access, passwords and transparency.

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