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Newest Member: Calmate (46012)

User Topic: This is just awful!
HURTAGAIN1981
♀ 35178
Member # 35178
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, April 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It feels like I am slipping into a black hole. I haven't heard from him today or last night. I haven't contacted him either.

I know I shouldn't want to hear from him at all, in some ways I don't as I just want to get him from my mind and move on but I'm having a rough day. I'm getting agitated all the time and just feel really down. It feels like withdrawal symptoms, I know I am nothing to him but I keep thinking of things he said to me about how much he cares and misses me, I can't get that out of my head. I'm not really functioning very well. I found myself up very late last night just digging on the internet for more dirt on him to make me feel better. Every time I find something, it makes me feel better and makes me realise I am doing the right thing. When his ex told me all about him, I was happy, it was like right, this is who he is and I need to get away. But as time goes on, I find myself justifying it, saying to myself that maybe he did this because of xyz and so on. The anger from what I found out from her is fading way too quickly and I just find myself missing him and feeling sad that he is looking for someone else, that they will be able to spend time with him as I once did and it makes me feel horrible. I also can't get it from my mind that for the next person he will be the perfect boyfriend, even though I know from how he was with me and also his ex that it probably won't be the case.


Posts: 296 | Registered: Mar 2012
PeaceLove187
♀ 33559
Member # 33559
Default  Posted: 11:09 AM, April 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know it hurts but it will get better. Every moment of pain is a victory because that's one step closer to being happy again. As I learned here at SI, you can't go around the pain but have to go through it.

Hugs.


BW--Me, 57
FWH--Him, 59
Married 35 years
Empty Nesters

Posts: 642 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Midwest
unarmbears
♀ 7480
Member # 7480
Default  Posted: 12:07 PM, April 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NC is a process. Today you will think of him all the time. Stick with NC and next week it will be less. Each and everyday will get a little better.
Eventually (and it won't be that long) you will see what kind of person he is. You will realize how toxic he is, just like his ex has.
Stick with NC, since NC=No New Hurts.


FBS-Me, 61
FWH-Him, 55
2 Sons 26 and 31
2 Daughters 29, 25 And 4 darling grandchildren!
"Love is an impulsive act, it's free. It's the story we tell about it afterward that's our poverty." Byron Katie

Posts: 4892 | Registered: Jun 2005 | From: From where the trees lean east...
gonnabe2016
♀ 34823
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, April 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NC IS a process....a very useful one, too.

Typically, *BUT statements* are ill-advised, however, right now *BUT statements* will be your best friend.

When you start thinking those longing, wistful thoughts, add a *BUT*.

If your thoughts are turning to "Oh, I miss <whatever>" or "we had so much fun when <whatever>" or "he was so sweet when <whatever>".......immediately say

BUT

And then remind yourself of *reality*
--BUT he was telling his X that he loved her
--BUT he offered to ease my hunger w/ his *man juice*
--BUT he sent a pic of his dick to his friend's GF
--BUT <insert whatever other dickhead thing he's done>

You'll eventually find that any thoughts you have of him fill you with the need to run far, far AWAY from him instead of being filled with longing/regret for what you *thought* that you had with him.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8252 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
CheaterMagnet
♀ 33581
Member # 33581
Default  Posted: 12:24 PM, April 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

--BUT he's a sick fucking pervert who wants to hurt me for his sexual gratification.


If Happy Ever After did exist, I would still be holding you like this.
All those fairly tales are full of shit.
One more fucking love song I'll be sick. ~ Maroon 5

Posts: 1068 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Kailua-Kona, HI
homewrecked2011
♀ 34678
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 4:03 PM, April 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Write down every awful thing he did to you and what you don't like about him.

We all are addicted at the beginning to our H or BF, and addicted to trying to figure out a way to "fix" it all....which is where you are I believe.

Keep stepping away.

Focus on your Mom--- isn't she ill right now?

Great tool from alanon: Keep your mind where you body is.

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 4:04 PM, April 30th (Tuesday)]


Keep Calm and Happy On!

me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed


Posts: 2379 | Registered: Jan 2012
homewrecked2011
♀ 34678
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 4:03 PM, April 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Write down every awful thing he did to you and what you don't like about him.

We all are addicted at the beginning to our H or BF, and addicted to trying to figure out a way to "fix" it all....which is where you are I believe.

Keep stepping away.


Keep Calm and Happy On!

me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed


Posts: 2379 | Registered: Jan 2012
HURTAGAIN1981
♀ 35178
Member # 35178
Default  Posted: 6:35 PM, April 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She is ill, she is doing ok atm though and I feel this horrible stuff is preventing me from being myself. She knows I am down and it makes her feel bad. I just can't help it.

I will make that list, I may even post about it here!


Posts: 296 | Registered: Mar 2012
hatefulnow
♂ 35603
Member # 35603
Default  Posted: 9:57 PM, April 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage



Posts: 129 | Registered: May 2012
soverybetrayed
♀ 32948
Member # 32948
Default  Posted: 1:14 AM, May 1st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The best thing I found to help stop me from wanting contact was to start a journal. In it I wrote down all the things I was thinking and all the things he did to destroy our marriage. I wrote the most horrible letters to him in my journal and it help to read it and know that it was all his fault. I know that I deserved so much better than what I put up with for so many years while he was cheating on me and leaving me alone. I poured out my hurt, my anger, my sadness, my love and more anger and it really did help to release some of that "want what I had" crap.

What we had is not what we wanted or deserved because they were not in the "relationship". They were wetting their nether regions with others or fantasizing about others or being nasty and degrading to us. Do you really want to take back that guy? The one who found it exciting to degrade and humiliate you sexually and hurt you emotionally? The creatin who was still contacting his ex and professing undying love for her while he was with you? No, you want the "persona" that he fed you when you first met but it was fake. He let the mask slip and you saw the real him. He will never let you have back the guy you fell for because you have seen the monster behind the mask. You now either live with the monster (and it only gets worse now) or you walk and find some one who is real and doesn't project a fake "persona". You deserve to be with someone who loves and cherishes only you.

Start a journal and write down every single terrible thing he ever did or said, everything his ex told you, what he friend told you about the sexting thing. Then when you miss him pull out that journal and read it over and over and over again until it sinks in that HE IS A SICK PUPPY! HE IS NOT WHAT YOU DESERVE AND HE WILL ONLY GET WORSE!!

Time does make it easier but you have to get through these rough moments and NOT contact him. You can not feed the sicko by contacting him. He will rope you back in with smooth talk and promises that are all bull pucky and lies.

It is time to NOTHURTAGAIN1981!!!!


Me-53
DDay 10/16/2010 DDay2 5/22/2011
Divorced 8/23/2012
I will get stronger and better but no matter where he goes, there he is....

Posts: 1220 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Texas
gonnabe2016
♀ 34823
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 2:50 AM, May 1st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She is ill, she is doing ok atm though and I feel this horrible stuff is preventing me from being myself. She knows I am down and it makes her feel bad. I just can't help it

Huh??????? WTF is up with that post?

*fist bump* to CM....


eta: NeverMind. You were talking about your mom, right?

[This message edited by gonnabe2016 at 3:28 AM, May 1st (Wednesday)]


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8252 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
HURTAGAIN1981
♀ 35178
Member # 35178
Default  Posted: 4:32 AM, May 1st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gonnabe?

Sorry I don't understand what you meant?

I was yeah. She is having treatment and is doing pretty well on that at the moment.

But this, I just can't seem to shake off. He's horrible, disgusting and perverted and isn't worth the time of day but I can't just be and feel jolly even though I know that.


Posts: 296 | Registered: Mar 2012
HURTAGAIN1981
♀ 35178
Member # 35178
Default  Posted: 4:45 AM, May 1st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Soverybetrayed,

I really needed to read that. I will start writing and making notes about him and all he did.

I really don't think I do want him back, well I don't actually because it would absolutely kill me to be with him knowing all that I know. I may not have much self esteem right now but I would like to think I have enough to not be with him after how he has treated me. As much as all this hurts, I could never go back. What I do wish though is that all of this never happened, that he didn't turn out like this at all because there were times when I felt really happy with him.

Even without all he has done, the weird sex stuff would have been a problem. There is no way I would be able to fulfill those needs so ultimately, it's obvious that even if there was no suspicions of cheating and all the lies, he would eventually go elsewhere to get those needs met if we had stayed together. I can't imagine many women that one meets in everyday life being into all that and being okay with it so maybe it would have been a case of sex workers and prostitutes.


Posts: 296 | Registered: Mar 2012
Topic Posts: 13

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