Our kids were doing well up until about 5 years ago. They had struggles but mostly successes. We both loved our kids very much. They were top priority.
I learned early in our marriage, my husband did not value me much, then 5 years ago I found out that I was going blind. There were a few months of tests. I got a call and was told that I had a brain tumor and needed to go talk to a surgeon. I called my husband and he said thanks for calling, I hope it all goes well. I hung up and cried. I didn't know how I was going to go by myself to talk about this. It ended up that I called his work back and asked the secretary if she could find someone to take his place. He ended up going with me but it hurt me that I wasn't even on his radar even when I had a BRAIN TUMOR! Thats what sent us to marriage counseling and I guess what sent him to begin to think about escape/divorce.
Since that time, our relationship hasn't been pleasant. He didn't/doesn't follow through on the assignments given to him. We fought a lot. Me with words, him with withdrawal. If you have heard of love languages, he is an affirmation guy and I am a quality time girl. So there is no love.
Our kids all got into drugs at the same time about three years ago. Since then it has been one thing after another. Police, hospitalization, bills, sleepless nights, calls from school, expulsion, stress stress stress.
I think my husband just can't handle these things. He pretends they aren't happening. That leaves me to deal with it all and I am stressed to the max. Then I am not the happy, sweet, gentle person he married. So he found some way to distract himself. Someone from the outside who had the time and energy to constantly praise him for the picture he painted of himself online.
Ap and WH were talking a lot about the future. It helped him to disengage from me. I resent him for deserting me when I was working so hard to save our kids. I don't appreciate the pictures he painted of me or the false ones he painted of himself. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I hadn't found out.
One daughter says "You both make each other miserable, get a divorce." The other says she is mad at me for not taking care of myself and allowing myself to be treated like s..... She says her dad isn't a lying cheat, he is a scared little boy. My son is busy with drugs and says whatever though he doesn't want his family to break up. He has been the quietest about this. He is still a minor.
I don't know how to add a divorce to the to do list. There is just so much.
Our daughter gets suicidal frequently. She is very artistically talented and intelligent. She longs to be independent. Since her TBI, she cannot control her thoughts or emotions. She can't work or go to school. Its a constant battle for her and she is drained. She sees no hope for her future. She sees a counselor and has even more therapy. She takes meds. Nothing seems to be helping and going back and forth to a hospital is putting a bandaid on a gaping wound.
Yesterday when our daughter called, I told my husband that because of what he did I am broken and he has to deal with getting her help this time. He was fine with that.
Then, I thought, its another escape for him. He will not be with me through the reconciliation or with the other kids. I was thinking today I would tell him that I would continue working to get help for my daughter and he would need to concentrate on supporting me emotionally. I don't think our marriage has a chance if he doesn't learn to do that. I am sure he cannot do both since he can barely even see the damage he has done to me.
I feel like I am in shock. Its surreal after all the strength and determination that has kept me going so far. This may have been the last straw. I am not sure if I am going to make it through all of this.