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Help! I'm becoming bitter.

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survivor6 posted 5/1/2013 18:55 PM

It has been almost 3 years since d-day, and although I am a lot stronger for going through this I feel as if the past year I have entered a bad stage. I think I have become bitter. I am grouchy, feel overwhelmed, and take little pleasure in the things that used to bring me pleasure. I feel jealous of other people's circumstances. I feel like all the dreams for my life- family, more children, are gone. I feel lonely. I have not had a relationship or anything close. I have to sell my house bc I can't make ends meet. I am working 2 jobs. I have no family around. All of this makes me so mad and I'm not sure how to let it go ( had to stop seeing my counselor bc of finances). Where it bothers me the most is my job. I am a teacher and work with children and I feel as if I have nothing emotionally to give them. I'm irritable, I don't laugh with them anymore, I barely even smile. I am losing hope that it will get better. Any helpful thoughts/comments are appreciated!

phmh posted 5/1/2013 18:58 PM

It sounds like you may be depressed. Are you able to see a physician?

Barring that, my recommendation is exercise (especially running and yoga) and volunteering to help others who are less fortunate.

Will things calm down a bit with summer break on the horizon?

(((survivor6)))

survivor6 posted 5/1/2013 19:05 PM

I think I am depressed, but I think it's circumstantial. You know what I mean? My circumstances are depressing right now. Like the idea of volunteering and exercising just struggle to fit it in.

Sad in AZ posted 5/1/2013 19:15 PM

I'm sorry you're down, but since you have to sell the house, could you move closer to friends and/or family? If there is no one you'd want to be near, how about moving to an area where you've always wanted to live?

As for fitting in exercise/volunteer work, you can do a lot at home. Yoga is especially good when you're depressed. You should take a few classes to get the proper form, but then you can do it at home. As for volunteering, you may be able to also do work from home. I used to volunteer as database manager for my local Audubon society.

survivor6 posted 5/1/2013 19:21 PM

Thanks for the thoughts. I think that moving near family would help. I share a 4 year old son with my ex spouse. I stay bc I can't imagine taking my son from his dad. Just another thing I'm bitter about- my exh gets to play family with his affair partner and has mom, dad, and sisters near by while I stay here famliless.

phmh posted 5/1/2013 19:25 PM

Like the idea of volunteering and exercising just struggle to fit it in.

Do you feel like you can make changes? Because if it is depression, talk to your doctor. I don't have experience, but my former boss had to be on something for a few years after D-Day (he is a BH) and he said it helped him immensely.

Sad has great ideas about moving to an area that might work better for you (don't want to think about where I'd be if I didn't have friends and family close by.) ETA: we were cross-posting. Is your child's dad really involved in his life now? I know you don't want to prevent him from seeing his dad, but maybe you could figure out some sort of compromise -- before he's school-age -- that takes everyone's best interest in mind?

You can always start small -- go for a walk around the block -- for example. You may be surprised by how much small steps help.

If you do want to volunteer, many cities have a volunteer hub, so if yours does, you can find something that only requires a one-day commitment so that it's not so overwhelming.

But do seek professional help from a physician if you feel you can't get over it yourself. Life is short and you don't want to spend too much of it mired in muck!

[This message edited by phmh at 7:30 PM, May 1st (Wednesday)]

GrievingMommy posted 5/1/2013 21:03 PM

You've gotten great advice.

I think I am depressed, but I think it's circumstantial.

A perfect reason to go on something (I love my Wellbutrin) to help with this tough time. It won't numb you which is a fear some people have, but it will help with the huge hills and valleys of extreme emotions (one minute okay and then next totally in the lowest of lows). All of this is very taxing on your emotions. Going on something will help with that.

I'm not happy with the way things are either, but I keep telling myself it will get better.

Hang in there and please see someone to go on something. You can wean off down the road when life settles down.

survivor_kh posted 5/1/2013 21:14 PM

(((survivor 6)))

I'm also working two jobs, and I find myself tired very often, which makes me feel very irritable at times. I did Ads for awhile. I found that taking a vitamin B complex helped boost my energy level and having energy makes me less irritable.

Survivor3512 posted 5/1/2013 22:43 PM

(((Survivor 6))) I am so sorry you're dealing with all this. Take care of yourself and do what you need to do for you.

fadedrainbow posted 5/2/2013 04:10 AM

(((survivor6))) I can relate to much of what you have said. I am selling our house, am feeling terribly lonely, have no family around, (they are all in a different country!) and have recently learned my XH has a girlfriend so I am back in a very dark place. I have learned that the road to healing can be very long and winding. We slip in and out of those stages of grief in no particular order and it is hard. You will get through this just like you have gotten through the last three years. The others have given you very good advice.If you
feel you cannot manage I would consider antidepressants, at least go speak to your GP.It doesn't have to be forever, just to help you through this bad patch. FR

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