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Need advice, do I take some blame for WS not utilizing time w/ds

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HelpMe123 posted 5/1/2013 21:12 PM

I've been doing well with the NC other then things regarding our son. I don't respond to his questions like are you working tonight, where are you guys going and what time will you be back. Today was a dinner visit with WS for DS. I told WS to drop DS off at home at 7, and I went to meet a friend for dinner so WS would see I was not sitting around alone. I also dressed to impress :)
When I got back at 7 WS was walking over to our house from his dads without DS. I asked where DS was and WS said he needs his inhaler and is in the house. I stayed in my car and drove to to my father in laws across the street (it's up a hill a lil) WS looked at me like I should let him in the car but I didn't. I got to DS with his inhaler and went to leave with him. When I got home I asked DS how dinner went and he says "I didn't eat". I asked what he did and he says "watched YouTube the entire time". I asked what dad was doing and DS replied "I don't know". I then texted WS asking about the time spent. His replies were "i was getting ready to take him to dairy queen and the you showed up." Now WS knew he was to bring him back at 7 and it was 7 so how did I prevent them from going anywhere? He then says "I only had him for 1.5 hours ". In which I responded with "Ya and in that time he was on YouTube....whatever. Go hang out with the new family u chose". i know I shouldn't have said anything but I can't take it back now....he responded to that with "I am requesting that u only contact me via email". Idk is it my fault he did nothing with DS, he had him for 2 hours he should have spent every minute with him in my opinion. AND he should not be blaming me for the lack of time he has with DS. He could be with him daily if he chose his family over OW....just my thought would love other opinions/perspective.

homewrecked2011 posted 5/1/2013 21:25 PM

Im having same problem with XH. They are babies and want everything to revolve around them. I have to say part is my fault because I loved him so much I babyed him.

That being said, he has known since Jan 1 that he was going to have our children for 4 weeks total in the summer. Today is last day to "claim" the weeks and he is such a baby he doesn't want to tell me what weeks he's getting the children. He has thrown everything at me, including he wants to go for full custody. I laugh bc he has chosen 0 weeks for summer, but wants full custody. What a joke.

Also, when he has the children he is too preoccupied with texting his GF that kids are kinda on their own. He only has hot dogs to feed them, and he always brings them home late from visitation.

I took my counselor's advice: There need to be stark differences between the homes so that my children will SEE the best place for them is with me!

Anyway, what I figured out today is that he wants us to fight about inhalers, choosing weeks, feeding hot dogs or not feeding them. Because if we are fighting over all this stuff, we are not fighting over the REAL issue: They have a girlfriend and left their family.

So,,, today when he kept throwing one thing after another at me thru email, I simply said, "If you have a problem with visitation, consult your atty. I only need to know the dates you are having our children."

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 9:28 PM, May 1st (Wednesday)]

Awake2012 posted 5/1/2013 21:33 PM

I dont know if this is helpful:

I think you should plan ahead when you know you will see WS and tell yourself how you will behave. You know him, practice some scenerios, and play them out in your head. If you dont like your initial response, do a do over till you get it right. That way by the time you see him you will be prepared for him and his responses, and you will have no regrets. He has hurt you enough, dont let him do that to you anymore.

Sounds like he wants to push your buttons, but why can be many reasons.

Dont let him get to you. Chances are the more you react, the more he will do it.

And remember, if you dont get it right, and your not happy with what you said or did, there is always tomorrow to start over and get it right.

Make yourself promises, then try to follow them. As you get better at living up to your expectations of yourself, you will feel better and more in control.

Take away his power to get to you, you can do it. Big hugs!!!

BrighterFuture posted 5/1/2013 22:24 PM

I'm learning that they will always create excuses when it comes to spending time with their children. My exfiance, has only seen my son once in the past 2 months yet when I complained and told him I needed him to spend time with our son, atleast 2 times a week so I could also have sometime to focus on other things, he was so quick to respond by saying that if he's a burden to me, that he can have him and live with him. How will he do it if he's not even doing 1 day a week currently? Is it just to avoid paying child support or what? I'm beyond frustrated. Just waiting for the right time (when the 2nd child has been born) so I can take him to court and have all these issues sorted out once and for all. You're not alone, and don't let him make you feel guilty or angry when you know he's the one not doing what he's supposed to.

[This message edited by VeryHurtbroken at 10:28 PM, May 1st (Wednesday)]

NeverAgain2013 posted 5/2/2013 11:06 AM

What a LOSER.

The guy breaks up your home by deserting his family and moving out and his OH SO BIG contribution to spending time with his kid is a whopping 1.5 hours on a school night????

And in that 1.5 hours, this irresponsible assclown couldn't even FEED the kid he so easily deserted?

I can only HOPE AND PRAY that you've been to Child Welfare Services and have opened the biggest child support claim you can OPEN on this worthless bastard.

Please tell me you did????

Nature_Girl posted 5/2/2013 11:37 AM

Sounds like my STBX. Would take the kids on a school night, not feed them, not actually interact with them, just turn them loose on play equipment and start texting on his phone. The kids would come home hungry & sad that Dad couldn't even be bothered to play with them. The kids would come home with injuries (including a concussion!!!!!!) that STBX never even knew happened because he couldn't be bothered to pay attention to them.

I finally had to get my lawyer involved by asking STBX's lawyer to tell his client to be a more attentive father during his time with them. It was becoming a safety issue. Kids going hungry for 1.5 or 2 hours isn't going to kill them. They can eat when they get home (which is what STBX would tell the kids when they told him they were hungry).

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