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Informing the OM's Wife

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LonelyBH posted 5/2/2013 12:50 PM

I have already exposed 2 of the 3 OM she met on ashmadison to their spouses, and the 2nd one didn't go so well. In all of her questions my last name slipped out(regret) and she was able to use that to find WW's workplace and phone number. Of course the OM was in denial, after 1 day he admitted to talking with WW but claimed it never went anywhere, she didn't know what to believe and wanted me to confront him to his face(no, we would both go to jail,I highly doubt i could control myself). After some harassment and a police report things died down.

Now I'm preparing to inform the final other BS of her H's secret life. I believe ill send a letter to her, or an anonymous Facebook message. However i do it i want it to be anonymous, but i also want her to take it seriously. I dont have any solid evidence of their PA, i do have deleted text message fragments between them but that wont really help much. I considered opening an account on the cheater site she met him on so i could get a screenshot of his pic if/when i contacted him, but i don't think i need to go that deep into this, plus that would be terrible for my sanity.

I have found odd things about him. PO box and 2 other addresses registered to him 1 hour away from his house(where he asked my wife to meet him the last 2 times), and he has 6 different alias' in public records. I thought maybe including links to that information may be enough to make her want to look into it.

All i need to do is let her know that i found out about her husbands infidelity, that is all i feel i am responsible for and whether she believes it or not is not my issue, but I do want her to believe it so id like to do this the best way possible.
Anyone ever do something like this? Any opinions or suggestions are appreciated.

BaldwinBeauty59 posted 5/2/2013 12:58 PM

All i need to do is let her know that i found out about her husbands infidelity, that is all i feel i am responsible for and whether she believes it or not is not my issue, but I do want her to believe it so id like to do this the best way possible.

Preaffair when I didn't know my H was cheating and if some strange person had contacted me but wouldn't give me names or specific details and proof, I would not have believed a word of it. I would have chalked it up to a lunatic or someone jealous of my H and trying to stir up trouble for him. If you want her to believe you, then you will probably need to be less vague and not anonymous.

[This message edited by BaldwinBeauty59 at 12:58 PM, May 2nd (Thursday)]

StillGoing posted 5/2/2013 12:59 PM

If she doesn't want to believe it you couldn't make her if you made her stand there and watch him fuck someone else.

The best you can do is give her the information you have and let her decide what to do with it.

Props for wanting to make sure it is understood so she can take steps to protect herself, but it's not totally under your control. There are ways to make sure a letter will only be put into her hands, if you're concerned about the info being intercepted, I think. Good luck sir.

stupidgirlme posted 5/2/2013 13:05 PM

I understand your wanting to remain anonymous, but I know if I received information like you are talking about I would wnat to know a little more than just getting it from someone who I had no way of knowing anything about. I would also have questions in order to believe anything that was being said. Thinking about it, I would feel even more betrayed if I had no way of going back to the person who was trying to 'help' me by sharing this knowledge.

At the very least, I would set up a phony account to send the information and that way she can at least contact you for further clarification if needed.

Also, as hurt as you are right now, try to think of it the other way around. If someone were to contact you, what would you wnat them to include? Would you believe everything in a letter that came with nothing but information and no way to get ahold of them?

LonelyBH posted 5/2/2013 13:23 PM

In the letter i wont be asking her to leave him or to believe me, ill only be asking her to look for information herself. She wont believe it unless she finds it herself. If i go the FB route i could remain anonymous but still answer her questions. I wont let her know my name, doing that last time jeopardized the safety of myself and my family, All of this is WW fault but if i tell them my name and it comes back to bite us that would be my fault.

All of this sucks so bad, i wish i didn't have to tell anyone their spouse is cheating on them but because i know and i have a way to tell her i almost feel obligated to do so. If nothing else it is the right thing to do. I get what you mean by her thinking im a lunatic, i dont want that, but i wont jeopardize the safety of my family.

5454real posted 5/2/2013 13:24 PM

If you are going to do it anonymously, include ALL the information you have gathered. If she doesn't want to believe the infidelity it might cause her to start digging herself.

broken81 posted 5/2/2013 15:02 PM

I dont get why you are trying to protect your WW.
1. Your WW deserves being outted in public/work.
2.The OMBW deserves to know a name of OW.

Believe me i know about the others harrassing and stalking, ive been through it. But MY WH signed up for that when he fucked someone's wife.
I am the only one that doesnt need it.
I also think it made him see how real this situation is/was.
Also not every BS you encounter will harass, alot of people here take the high road.
If you are doing this for the purpose of helping another BS give her enough info or atleast a good start.
If this is about payback to OM then thats different.

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