My fWBF texted me this morning and at first it was good. He has been trying very hard, he will read anything I ask him to, he will comfort me when I need him to (when he realizes it), and he will answer any questions that I ask.
It has taken quite some time to get this far, and several times I have mentioned that I am afraid to tell him too much how I feel because I am afraid that he will give up and decide R is not worth the work.
So the texting that started out good has turned bad, and here I sit, crying because he has given up. Apparently it's my fault because he says I don't listen to him. This is our conversationthe ['s are just me adding to explain something.
why don't I understand what he's saying? Am I being stupid? Am I stuck in thinking that I know everything so I wont allow myself to believe what he says. Or does this not make sense to other people too? And how the hell did this go from i love you so much to fuck it goodbye so fast?
I dont know if it will make sense if you dont know what went on, so-he started this A, then two months later told me he was moving out, i had no idea of the A, begged him to stay, kissed his ass for a month before he decided to stay here with my son and I instead of moving in with her and her two kids. (in her basement-so apparently that means he wasnt actually "moving in" with her????)
him: doubt i'll get much done 2nite, dont feel good
me: aaw, hope u feel better, that's ok, we can just relax 2nite
him: doubt i'll feel better till u do. my stomach always hurts[i've told him how my stomach hurts all the time when I'm upset], just tired xoxo
me: was crappy b4 but [sister] called so im on the fone with her. im feeling alright. i luv u very much and i look 4ward to growing closer 2 u every day 4 the rest of my life xoxoxo
him: Awww me too. luv u xoxo. i just hope u always feel that way because i know i will.
me: u will always b the love of my life and that will never change.
him: and u will always b the love of my life. i can't even imagine not being with you. even when i was going to leave it made me cry. xoxo
me:then why were u going 2? im not bein bitchy, thats a real ? that i think about xoxo
him: i already told u i think, but our relationship wasn't even close to heading in the direction i wanted with the kind of family i want
me: and she had the family u wanted?
him: no i want my own
me: did u think u wanted 2 have a baby with her in the future?
me: then what was the point of switchin partners if it would have been the same?
me: i guess thats why i dont understand how there could b nothin good 2 remember [i had said it bothers me that he has good memories of her-he said there are no good memories, i cant believe that] and things like that
me: i guess sometimes it boils down to what does she have that i dont
him: she has nothing that u don't. not sure if it was so much a switch as it was a temporary thing i guess. all i want is u xoxo
me: so u just wanted a temporary change? i dont get it. I felt anger when i read that, but im assuming u didn't mean it how it sounds-why cant u start saying thse kinds of things in person?
him: i dont want to talk about it cuz i dont like seeing u hurt even more. and i didnt want a temporary change. i didn't have many options as far as a place to stay. and really i didn't want to leave at all but it seemed a dead end. hope that clears it up a little. if not let me know i'll try to explain better.
me: i think this should b in person, but no, i still dont get it-options on where to live have nothin 2 do with having sex with someone & yes it hurts very much 2 talk about, but it helps ease the all-the-time pain. so I was a dead end-she wasnt? that would mean kids were a possibility 2 u.
him: ok maybe u just wont understand u r stuck in ur thinking. what a surprise. this is why i dont want to tell u things.
me:dont get mad cuz i dont understand. talk 2 me instead of texting it. i luv u and i WANT to understand u xoxo
him: I didnt have any long terms plans with her and theres nothing special about her. can u understand that?
me: not really, i'm sorry but i cant right now
him: ok fuck it then. u were right, im done trying. u wont listen. everything i say doesnt make sense