I said this on another thread, this trauma is like being shot. Then you are confronted by the shooter. Most people want to know why they were shot, others don't care they just want the bad guy punished and others want both.
I think after the A, the victim needs to know why? And the why needs to be more than I did it because you did not give me enough X. My WW thought I was not giving her enough attention/affection, quality time. I was not getting enough affirmation/sex. When I would do something for her, I would get "That is not my Love Language, so thanks but..." which makes what I did completely worthless. We may have been broken BUT I did not go out on a 4 month fling.
If it was me, I would get the truth or I would be gone.
"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” -- John 8:32