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Newest Member: WishingINeverLooked

Wayward Side :
Will I ever learn?

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 Jack317 (original poster new member #39010) posted at 11:56 PM on Thursday, May 2nd, 2013

OK. I made another HUGE mistake. About a week and a half after NC with the OW, I called her to tell her that I never wanted to see her again. That I was sorry I hurt her. She, in turn, told me that I was a bastard, and that she would tell people the same. My BS discovered the call today. This time I came clean. I told her what I had done. I've been sobbing ever since. I know. I should have told my BS the day afterwords. But I didn't. I also realize I never should have called her. Why do I keep making these mistakes? Am I beyond hope?

posts: 23   ·   registered: Apr. 16th, 2013   ·   location: Jack317
id 6321187
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authenticnow ( member #16024) posted at 12:05 AM on Friday, May 3rd, 2013

Will you ever learn? Well Jack, that's up to you.

Plenty of us have continued lying to our BSs and have broken NC after d-day. Some of us decided to get off the pity pot and start self reflecting. The lucky ones were able to get the gift of R from their BSs.

The ones who continued lying, trickle truthing, didn't do the self reflection, learning from their shitty ways, didn't get to R.

Which one will you be?

Is there anything else you need to tell your BW?

What work are you doing to change? What are you doing to figure out why you're continuing to make the wrong choices?

DS, you are forever in my heart. Thank you for sharing your beautiful spirit with me. I will always try to live by the example you have set. I love you and miss you every day and am sorry you had to go so soon, it just doesn't seem fair.

posts: 55165   ·   registered: Sep. 2nd, 2007
id 6321192
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Card ( member #23667) posted at 1:13 AM on Friday, May 3rd, 2013

Jack,

You wrote a No Contact letter about two weeks ago to tell OW you don't want contact, right?

Now you call to "tell" OW you don't want contact, right?

Is your BS spouse buying that your "hidden" call was for the reason you've said?

WH (me)
BS (her)


D-Days April - Oct. 2007 Recovery started Nov. 2007

"Found Myself", I was right there in my shoes all along!
Search for self called off!

Why Repentance Is Necessary? Because Undeserved Mercy Empowers Entitlement/Sin

posts: 570   ·   registered: Apr. 17th, 2009
id 6321264
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Card ( member #23667) posted at 1:21 AM on Friday, May 3rd, 2013

Am I beyond hope?

Of course not!

WH (me)
BS (her)


D-Days April - Oct. 2007 Recovery started Nov. 2007

"Found Myself", I was right there in my shoes all along!
Search for self called off!

Why Repentance Is Necessary? Because Undeserved Mercy Empowers Entitlement/Sin

posts: 570   ·   registered: Apr. 17th, 2009
id 6321280
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tired girl ( member #28053) posted at 4:27 AM on Friday, May 3rd, 2013

So why don't you start getting honest with the real reason you called her. After all you did tell her you were sorry.

You are never going to get on the road to being honest and authentic until you can be that with at least yourself.

Me 47 Him 47 Hardlessons
DS 27,25,23
D Day's becoming less important as time moves on.
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt
My bad for trying to locate remorse on your morality map. OITNB

posts: 7444   ·   registered: Mar. 26th, 2010   ·   location: Inside my head
id 6321485
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