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OK. I made another HUGE mistake. About a week and a half after NC with the OW, I called her to tell her that I never wanted to see her again. That I was sorry I hurt her. She, in turn, told me that I was a bastard, and that she would tell people the same. My BS discovered the call today. This time I came clean. I told her what I had done. I've been sobbing ever since. I know. I should have told my BS the day afterwords. But I didn't. I also realize I never should have called her. Why do I keep making these mistakes? Am I beyond hope?

Will you ever learn? Well Jack, that's up to you.

Plenty of us have continued lying to our BSs and have broken NC after d-day. Some of us decided to get off the pity pot and start self reflecting. The lucky ones were able to get the gift of R from their BSs.

The ones who continued lying, trickle truthing, didn't do the self reflection, learning from their shitty ways, didn't get to R.

Which one will you be?

Is there anything else you need to tell your BW?

What work are you doing to change? What are you doing to figure out why you're continuing to make the wrong choices?

Jack,

You wrote a No Contact letter about two weeks ago to tell OW you don't want contact, right?

Now you call to "tell" OW you don't want contact, right?

Is your BS spouse buying that your "hidden" call was for the reason you've said?

Am I beyond hope?

Of course not!

So why don't you start getting honest with the real reason you called her. After all you did tell her you were sorry.

You are never going to get on the road to being honest and authentic until you can be that with at least yourself.