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Felt first glimmer of hope. I think

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FeelingSoMuch posted 5/2/2013 18:19 PM

After two months and 12 unbearable days full of pain and anger, I felt incredibly sad today.

My WW spent the two months the same way, angry, on the defensive and hurt.

Despite all that she came to MC with me. I kept being told that should make me hopeful, but it didn't.

Today, she also felt incredibly sad. And showed it. I needed that.

I'm going away for the weekend for work and on the advice of the books we have read and MC she is joining me tomorrow night after she finishes work.

Was it the separation? I don't know.

For the first time I felt that I could do this, because losing her would hurt more than living with the betrayal.

I am taking anti-depressants, which help dull the pain.

We dropped off the cat at her parents last night and for some reason, while I was getting ready to travel and she was at work, I missed the cat. Then my WW. I walked out to meet her on her walk home before my flight. For the first time she seemed genuinely sad about what we have lost. It was a long betrayal. Nine months. Then she broke NC twice, both times phone calls. They still work together, but she tells me she rarely sees him at work and they are in different departments.

I don't want her to give up her job, it's her dream job. The week we met 12 years ago she told me that was what she wanted. She started it a year ago. Yes, the cheating started shortly after.

For the veterans here. Am I stupid to feel hopeful and start letting my guard down or am I setting myself up for more pain?

FeelingSoMuch posted 5/2/2013 18:23 PM

I just realized my question in the post above is a double negative. Wow. That was not on purpose. Must've been an unconscious fear of being hurt again (joke).

Let me ask it again. Am I stupid for letting my guard down or is this a good sign for true recovery?

brokensmile322 posted 5/2/2013 19:04 PM

2 months is very early into this to jump in and to blindly trust...for anyone on here.

That is not to say that your glimmer of hope was not a step in the right direction. It was. But anyone who has been on here long enough knows that this is a roller coaster. One day it is good, the next three are horrible, then a week good, 3 days bad...

I would ask what your wife is doing to SHOW that she is all in. Have you set up perameters that you need to R? Do you have consequences in place? These things need to happen before you can just say that you are in R and you decide to trust again.

True R is only shown by her ACTIONS, not her words. Those actions must be sustained for a long time. Only then should you start to let your guard down. Until then you should adopt the mantra "Trust, but verify."

[This message edited by brokensmile322 at 7:05 PM, May 2nd (Thursday)]

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