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New Beginnings :
Great new life, if...

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 Pass (original poster member #38122) posted at 4:35 AM on Friday, May 3rd, 2013

My psychiatrist asked me how I'm feeling about my "current living situation". I had just finished telling him that I don't think the anti-depressants are helping.

I surprised myself by saying that I was feeling pretty good. I don't miss her as much; I don't drop everything when she calls; I haven't cried in a week. As long as I keep myself occupied I actually feel some happiness.

What's so fucked-up is that I have a really hard time getting started on anything. I spend forever just sitting here doing nothing when I could be working, walking, sleeping, playing music, writing, reading.

And then our session was over. We have to pick this up last week. Argh!

Why don't I want to get right at doing something, instead of wallowing in nothingness? I know that's a symptom of my depression, but it's so frustrating that I know what to do, but can't seem to do it.

I'm one fucked-up swamp dog!

Divorced the cheater and living my best life now.

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous.

posts: 3785   ·   registered: Jan. 14th, 2013   ·   location: Ontario, Canada
id 6321490
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PurpleRose ( member #33129) posted at 4:51 AM on Friday, May 3rd, 2013

I had the same problem, and do still experience lulls like that. I think it's a normal reaction to a major life altering event like this betrayal.

I have found that the more I do, the more I want to do. Try to start small- make yourself accomplish one small thing tomorrow. Then you can slowly add another activity, and before you know it you will be busy once again

divorced the Dooosh 8/13
*****************************
Dance like nobody is watching,
Text and email like it will be used in court someday...

posts: 3871   ·   registered: Aug. 17th, 2011   ·   location: Happyville
id 6321505
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SBB ( member #35229) posted at 11:59 AM on Friday, May 3rd, 2013

Your S was so very recent friend. Take some time to pat yourself on the back. I congratulated myself for just putting one foot in front of the other in the early days.

You are mourning - I understand it takes some time for the meds to kick in and also some time to find the right ones.

There's no rushing through this - the only way through it is through it.

Its not called a rollercoaster for nothing. Do little things for yourself and build on them.

I used to force myself to spend a few mins a day imagining my bright new future. It was hard in the beginning - now I do it all the time. I also take the time to savour in the present.

I think back to my dark days where I was where you are now and I am proud of myself for having not only survived it but having come out of it more intact than before DD.

You are free. Take the time to lick your wounds and mourn this. Some day pretty soon you'll find the courage to grab your freedom with both hands.

((pass)) You've got this friend.

I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

posts: 6062   ·   registered: Apr. 4th, 2012   ·   location: Australia
id 6321656
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Sunnie ( member #33406) posted at 4:32 PM on Friday, May 3rd, 2013

I'm sorry you're going through this. It is a normal part of grieving and healing. It will get better and as weird as it is, take your time. If you don't need to do anything (family responsibility or work) then don't. Your S is so recent. Guilting yourself with "I should to x, y, z" won't help.

I also went through that stage when I sat on the couch in my pj's all day and watched every stupid show I could. My S was in November and I don't think I started getting better until late February. Even then it was a process. Had to take steps to start doing things, easy ones first: water the plants, do 1 thing on your to-do list. Then go more advanced, make a plan for how to spend the day and pretty soon you will get back into a routine.

Me: BS (32)
Together: 14 years
DDay: May 18, 2011
Separation date: November 18, 2012

posts: 73   ·   registered: Sep. 20th, 2011
id 6321961
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 Pass (original poster member #38122) posted at 4:20 AM on Monday, May 6th, 2013

Thanks y'all.

Divorced the cheater and living my best life now.

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous.

posts: 3785   ·   registered: Jan. 14th, 2013   ·   location: Ontario, Canada
id 6324383
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