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it's OW I don't trust

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ms521 posted 5/3/2013 07:21 AM

OW2 has been making things progressively more difficult for WH at work. She has taken her withholding of valuable work-related information to a new level and is now badmouthing him to external clients with the idea that he is doing a "poor job with team communication" lately. She actually wrote that in an email to an overseas corporate client (who wrote back to WH to let him know).

WH is beyond pissed, although he is very aware that HE did this and she can't be blamed entirely. However, I think she can and SHOULD be blamed for not using my discovery of their A as a wake-up call of her own. She should be rethinking her work/career priorities, reinvesting in her OWN marriage, and acting accordingly. She's not a high-schooler, but she sure is acting like it.

Anyway, I'm posting today because I need hugs/support. Please no 2x4s about the fact that he still works with her; the reasons for that are too lengthy to be explained here (just know that if he COULD leave his job right now, he would!). WH needs to talk to her, face-to-face today, because obviously the email-only communication between the two of them isn't working. He needs to collect information from her about clients and he needs to firmly call her out on her unprofessional behavior behind his back with clients. He's not in a position to fire her (without getting fired himself), but he is slightly senior and needs to keep his team members in check.

I realized that while I trust him not to fall into some passionate "last kiss/sex romp for old times' sake" kind of scenario in whatever showdown happens today, what I DON'T trust is his ability to remain impassioned. I think if she breaks down, he will be nice. I think if she accuses him of never loving her and walking away "easily," he will say whatever he must to smooth the situation. I'm 100% convinced they're over, but I want her to hurt the way I hurt. I don't want WH to acknowledge any feelings he had for her. I want him to tell her she never mattered, even though I know she did. I also know I mattered more because when he had to choose, he chose me, and that's what matters. But the part of me that's hurting wants HER to hurt even more.

Anyway, WH says he is going to try to keep it strictly formal and professional and unemotional on his side. And I believe he will try. I just think he's too nice of a guy to be mean if he has to, and I know telling some old lover they mattered is an "easy" fix to hurt feelings.

I hate her so much.

LovingFool posted 5/3/2013 08:44 AM

Wow. I can't imagine how hard it is for the both of you right now.


Does his boss know about it? If he doesn't maybe it is time to bring in to the confidence since OW actions are affecting the work environment and possible business. Then, he could "confront" her in front of a witness - his boss ( or her boss) . This way, he might be more likely to remain stoic and professional.
IDK. It is only a suggestion. Hope it works out and there isn't any more fallout from the A. Hang in there!!

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