SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

We had a argument yesterday . It was a basic husband and wife issue . I asked my WW to do something important and she didn't do it .My WW got really defensive . Its difficult not to bring the A into a argument . Because of the argument there is major anxiety that my WW will contact the om . How do you SIers deal with this ?

You have to be able to talk about the A. I'm not saying a BS needs to throw it into the face of the WS every time there's an argument, but the more you talk about the A, the less it will surface DURING an argument that's unrelated. If there's even a remote possibility that your wife would reach out to a FOM just because you two had a fight, then SHE is not doing the work. She needs to find what she needs either from herself or from you. Other men are not an option in a healthy marriage.

How do I handle the fear that WH will talk to OW? I tell him I'm afraid. I give him the opportunity to hear me. One of the things I'm learning in MC is that it's not up to a spouse (WS or BS) to "fix" the other person's feelings, but it is up to them to acknowledge and validate them. It's normal to be afraid of ongoing contact between a WS and their AP. And it is the ongoing job of the WS to hear those fears, validate and reassure, and then do their best to continue to be transparent and prove that NC is ongoing.

(((itsgoingtobeok)))

I just don't argue back. He can rant and rave all he wants. I tell him I am not arguing with him about anything and if he can speak to me in a normal tone we can have a discussion, other wise rant to yourself.