Anyway the story in a nutshell is this: Our daughter was maybe 10 years old and we'd planned a trip to Disney World with friends. I supervised a garage sale but let our daughter manage it and keep the $90 profit so she'd have spending money at Disney World. At some point before the trip my husband borrowed the money but I didn't even know he had until we were actually at Disney World. She wants to buy something, I ask her where her money is and she says Dad borrowed it. At that point my H's business had failed and he was retraining and working part-time and I realized he may not have the cash, so I privately offered to give him the cash to pay her back. He refused to take it from me and says she has to ask nicely before he'll repay her the money. We're at freaking Disney World and I wanted everyone to be happy (one of my major faults) so I tried to repay our daughter and she wouldn't take it from me.
Am I correct and my H and 10 year-old daughter were in a disfunctional power struggle? Am I a wuss and it's actually better parenting to borrow money from your child and refuse to pay it back until they say please? I'm absolutely convinced this was tied to his lack of self-esteem but my daughter should not have been involved in his issues. Did I really expose my daughter to a man who acted like a child or is my view just warped?
For the record, I am well aware that my H and I didn't manage money, financial responsibilites or communication well. We're still working on that.
sounds like a control issue.
IMO, if he borrowed the money from your DD, with the promise of paying it back, then what he is teaching her by not paying it back until she says please, is that you don't have to live up to your word. And what kind of crap parenting is that?!
I mean really, if you borrow money from a bank do they have to say please before you start repaying the loan.
I guess you could say that they were in a power-struggle, but I'm on your DD side here.
I'm glad you guys are working on the finances and communication. I'm assuming that this happened quite a while in the past, since you say you're now empty-nesters?
Trust is like paper. Once it's crumpled it can never be perfect again.
In our talks now I still see glimmers of that kind of thinking and in my happy place I would like him to make a few more tweaks to his thinking. He may not like it but his work is just beginning.
I blame myself for being avoidant and not making him stand up and be a man. I'm trying not to make the same mistake this time.
And then to make a big deal out of it? Wow. Just wow.
Sorry if I sound judgmental.