I have been ruminating on how my body is compared to hers. She was thin, I am curvy, but still thin. She is cute, but older than both my husband and I (she is 58). In the last 3 years, while my WH was having an affair, he was not complimentary, or giving me anything but crumbs in our sexual life. I guess at 6 months anger is normal, from what I can tell.
I just feel so "embarrassed" about his looking at me, and giving her positive comments about her body. The "you are beautiful, "you feel good, you are amazing" all went to her and not to me for 3 years. So I end up not feeling good about myself!
How can I stop this constant comparing. It was "just sex" for him and he is remoresful/doing everything he can to help us heal. But, I am just in a bad spot.
I am having one of those days where I am just turturing my self and can't find any peace!
She wasn't that special, he was just working for her treats.
I think I am just at a very low spot today and can't find my way back to loving myself. It is so difficult not to torture myself!
You will get through this. Hugs.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
She might have been thin and cute, but inside - she wasn't so attractive was she?
Hang in there sweetie hopefully tomorrow you'll be feeling much better.
Intellectually we might understand that their A had nothing to do with us, or that they always affair down, but I think it's natural to wonder what was worth tossing away so much for.
I know it won't surprise you to know Undone that I was in comparison mode the other day too--checking out photos of AP on fb and trying to see her through WH's eyes.
I guess it's all part of the long and agonizing recovery process.
(((Undone1)))--keeping you in my thoughts.
BS:45 WH:47 needhelp123
8yr EA&PA w/MCOW emp/frmr emp
19y M * 25y T, 2 teens
DDay 12/31/12*5w TT
Sick tired sad
Tomorrow I plan to really work on quieting my mind, saying some prayers and listening to some affirmations. After that, my daughter and I have plans.
I really do want to be able to control my thoughts and feelings! How many times can I say "it's just so hard."
Thanks again for all your support and kindness. It really does help!