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Joanh posted 5/3/2013 15:32 PM

How to make them easier. Bad 2 days and today, trying to stay strong for him , but its hard not to cry myself . I can see the pain I've caused feel it to my soul, what is left of it. He says he wants me to be strong and not react to his bad days. How do I . Ifeel I have to shut down and feel nothing. :-( its hard to do . I don't like to be that away anymore. Sorry just needed a place to speak.

wifehad5 posted 5/3/2013 18:54 PM

I know that when I triggered, it made it worse when my wife made it about her. All I really needed to do was share what I was feeling, deal with it, and move on. We went through a phase where everything I shared sent her off the edge, so that made it so I couldn't deal with what I needed to. It made me stop sharing until we worked it out in MC.

It gets better with time

knightsbff posted 5/3/2013 22:51 PM

BH just wants me to be present and sometime to hold his hand. I apologize, sometimes that seems to help. I try to understand his feelings. I think he appreciates when I anticipate triggers and warn him.

Sending strength and peace.

BrokenT posted 5/4/2013 04:14 AM

I would be able to deal with triggers when my H becomes more supportive of them. They need to be let out no matter how negative they may seem. If my H lets me talk without getting defensive I know it'll pass. Let him know you're there to hear him, appreciate and validate his feelings, tell him things like "I know" and "I'll never hurt you like this again".. Honestly I trigger every hour and don't know when the end is but I'm just sharing my feelings about them..

Joanh posted 5/4/2013 20:15 PM

Thank you for your responses. I sit and litsten and think to myself what can I do to change. I apoligize and try to see what I can do different to help. one is the cell phone. He text me while i was doing my nails and didn't answer:-( Major trigger. thats what happened when he found out. Also we were doing the 5 love by chapman and he was doing the quiz and it had one about back massage. He saw me giving the other man a back massage:-( I hate this. I cant stand to see what I have done to my BH. But I know that I am doing everything I can to make sure it never happens again. That is a promise