She has no plans to leave me for OM, as he's poor(ish) and in her 3rd world country of origin, but she's fogged out, and that's another story. Wants to reconcile, but keeps telling me she does't think I can forgive her again. I said the same thing, but I won't make rash decisions anyhow.
Truth is, I emptied our savings account, and can't touch my 401k for 3 years after taking 50k out of it as a loan. I didn't walk because I'm broke, mostly, and can't afford it.
S, on Tues I go home for 2 weeks, and I'm dreading it. She's apologetic and ashamed, I'm emascuated, and we've both been through IC- can't do MC because there's only one bilingual MC in my area, and she was a man-hater who instantly said that I was 100% responsible because I travel for work a month at a time.
Anyhow, I need to get through the next 2 weeks. I told her last month to take the 4 weeks I was away to think over what she wants. She wants R, but doesn't seem interested in actively trying for it.
I need to make some extra money to rebuild our savings, which means sacrificing time at home, but if we actually could R, I need to be there. I'm open to trying, I guess, but it feels hopeless.
So yesterday I saw that she texted OM a few times and he texted back. It's an overseas text, so the damn thing costs a buck or more each. I clamped down on it, but she claims that she was texting someone else in that region. I doubt it.
Anyhow, I realize that this is a victim puke, but I'm restarting the 180, and giving it a little time. Advice on the money situation would be helpful, in terms of whether I should stay out and make money, or go home and pave the way for a potential R if possible. I can't separate right now because I'm so ashamed of having to tell people about this, and I couldn't afford a place in the metro area where I live, plus, I love my stepson, and don't get enough time with him as it is.
Any thoughts would be appreciated.
I realize you mentioned a language barrier, but princess can clean houses or work in a market or store that primarily has clients who speak her language.
Or do you think she loves boyfriend back home and sees your marriage as her "job" to support her son and doesn't see you as a husband? I think it's time to find out before you continue with the marriage. I hope that's not how she sees it, and just uses him as a distraction from boredom. But if boredom is her problem, she needs language classes or whatever must be done to keep her from being so isolated.
[This message edited by Heavy Sigh at 9:51 AM, May 4th (Saturday)]
"Affairs are not mistakes, they are a series of deliberate choices." - CrappyLife
"Regret is when you realize you broke your own heart.
Remorse is when you realize you broke someone else's." - Blakesteele
There is no shame on you for what has happened, and it certainly isn't news within the maritime community. Brain storming a few other options, do you need to be located in a metropolitan area? Would your Co. pay for travel to and from the port of call? Would it be viable for you to go to a 2 and 2 schedule? (Please don't read that as blaming your time at sea -- but if you are looking for more face time at home it might help)...
[This message edited by Take2 at 10:52 AM, May 4th (Saturday)]
Sorry you are back here.
But the 180 helps you clear your head so you can think things through especially if you are living with a remorseless spouse. Not sure how that plays out once you go back to work...
Sorry westerly - I know it sucks! Worst thing I've ever been through... only way through it is through it.
Frankly, I would do what you need to do at this time. If you feel that you need to rebuild your nest egg by working more hours, then I'd talk to a lawyer about that because the last thing that you want to do, is build a nest egg for an unremoserful WW to grab 1/2 of, especially since it was depleated by your support of her mom. Yes, she is your MIL, but essentially you've put yourself in a vulnerable place for the benefit of your spouses family. If you put in extra work to re-build your retirement, I would pursue either a legally-binding document saying that any money that you make from this point on for retirement belonged to you alone, or I would seriously consider a legal separation with the same language, freezing assets, so that if R is not possible, you don't get screwed again.
I'll be keeping you in my thoughts. As you can see from my tag line, I also find the sea necessary for my sanity, Captain.
D-Day, June 10, 2012