I feel all alone in this . Our mutual family friend thinks I just need to forgive, move on, and work to give him what he wants. I don't believe that will really happen because I have spent years trying to give him what he wants and I end up feeling used and abused.
I called another friend, I have called her several times to get together since this all came out. She is always busy. I feel so alone.
Noone can really help me. I have to do the tough stuff. I know that. I just need to feel like someone will listen and care how I feel. Somehow I feel like I am just unworthy to everyone.
[This message edited by LearningToFly at 1:04 PM, May 4th (Saturday)]
I want everything to be okay NOW! but its not and I feel like I have no one to be there with me in real life.
You are not unworthy, your WS is the unworthy one. Can you go to IC?
He likes to say "nice things" to express love. He also like to hear them.
Sorry but if this is the ONLY way he wants to express love then it is shallow and placating to me. Very juvenile. He needs to grow up. Sounds like you are the only one vested in this marriage, stop, Stop, STOP. If he is unwilling to invest any of himself into the relationship then kick his ass to the curb. He is acting like a child not a man.
His girlfriend was great at saying "words of affirmation."
Yeah, it is easy for her because all she has ever had to do for him is spread her legs and coo nice words in his ear. Her part-time job is easy. Let him share "real" life with her with all the obligations and challenges then he will see how fast all that changes.
I just want this to go away. It is more than the affair. To me the affair is typical of my husband. She reached out to him and he willingly and passively went with her because our lives are not fun and easy. He could say nice things to her and she responded so readily. It was natural and simple.
He is someone who likes to be "nice" so he keeps his feeling inside but they come out in behavior. I am the opposite. I blurt out everything hoping to be understood. Its been like this for 30 years. Our kids in counseling have said that they learned that you can't talk about your feelings in our family. Its strange because I have always listened to their feelings and tried to understand where they were coming from. My husband is the fun one. They laugh and joke with him. I am the one they express their feeling with. They are all using drugs now which I am totally against so the open communication is gone from everyone. I can't validate them in their drug use.