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KBeguile posted 5/5/2013 09:07 AM

Heart had a very vivid nightmare last night about me and our situation, of course. Does anyone have a suggestion or two as to how I can help with this sort of thing, if it's even possible?

Skan posted 5/5/2013 09:37 AM

I had horrific nightmares for years, when my FWH and I first got together. Slowly, they tapered off hel helped by starting to recognize when I was heading into one and stoking me, whispering in my ear "you're safe," and waking me if I kept on going down into one. After DDay they came back with a vengence.

For me, it was my FWHs dedication in doing the above when we were in the same bed. If I couldn't stand him to be, he slept on a couch outside of our room and was able to hear me going into a nightmare about 1/2 of the time and react to it. On the nights that he couldn't hear me, he would comfort me in the morning, apologize specifically for putting me back there, and be very attentive to my needs bringing me coffee, breakfast, or on really bad mornings, just helping me get out of the bedroom.

When I said apologize specifically, I mean that he didn't just say "I'm sorry," or "I'm sorry for what I did." He would say, I'm sorry that my actions made the bedroom an unsafe place for you. I'm sorry that my thoughtless actions cause your nightmares. I'm sorry that you're having such horrible mental images it's my fault, I put them there into your head.

Be specific about why and what you're sorry for. Generic "I'm sorrys" get old after a while. And if you're going to try to physically comfort your BW while she's in the midst of a nightmare, be very gentle. Strokes, whispers let your presence be there but not in an abrupt way. If you startle her awake, you may frighten her even more or she may flail out in a night terror.

Hope you can use some of my suggestions. They worked for me, but I know that that doesn't necessarily mean that they'll work for Heart.

silverhopes posted 5/5/2013 12:41 PM

^ Skan has good suggestions.

Another thing is, maybe encourage her to tell you all about her nightmare. Ask her questions and really listen and let her describe it. The act of listening to her validates her. Then you can also apologize for the specific things, especially if parts of her nightmares are things that specifically happened in real life.

Good luck.