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would you want to know

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Itsgoingtobeok posted 5/5/2013 10:01 AM

Like a lot of SIers there has been several D day's . I'm in the same boat so I want to know if you ask question about past D day's or do you only ask about the current D day ? My WW has answered my question about the current D day but very little about past A . Would you want to know ?

Rebreather posted 5/5/2013 10:04 AM

Yes, I sure would. I believe it all needs to come in out in order to successfully reconcile. And that failure to adequately address previous affairs partly led to another. So, that would be a pretty major requirement for me to keep working on the relationship.

So sorry you are in that situation though. Yuck.

Sal1995 posted 5/5/2013 11:04 AM

Absolutely, we deserve to know everything that's happened in our marriages. I asked about earlier affairs, ONS's, whether all four children were mine, you name it. My wife's answers, and the way she answered, convinced me that I was dealing with just one affair (LTA, though). It's important to know whether you are dealing with a fallen women who went off the rails one time, or a serial cheater who cannot or will not control her behavior without intensive IC.

Knowledge is power.

Sorry you find yourself in this situation, hang in there.

catlover50 posted 5/5/2013 11:09 AM

That was one of my polygraph questions: have you had sexual relations with any other women that I am not aware of? I have been glad to know.

sisoon posted 5/5/2013 11:18 AM

Your WS's life needs to be an open book. Coming clean is the number 1 thing a WS can do to start rebuilding trust.

Not answering questions is being untruthful and dishonest by omission, and you can't R with a dishonest person - and a WS can't become a decent partner if she's not being honest.

[This message edited by sisoon at 11:18 AM, May 5th (Sunday)]

njgal480 posted 5/5/2013 12:22 PM

The more honest and open the WS is -the easier it is to believe what they say.

I needed to know everything.

And I also asked questions about whether or not this was the only OW etc.

The more questions he was willing to answer the more I began to believe him.

I needed to know everything before I could decide on R.

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