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Newest Member: Sarah5479 (61853)

User Topic: would you want to know
♂ 37664
Member # 37664
Default  Posted: 10:01 AM, May 5th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Like a lot of SIers there has been several D day's . I'm in the same boat so I want to know if you ask question about past D day's or do you only ask about the current D day ? My WW has answered my question about the current D day but very little about past A . Would you want to know ?

married 28 yrs
Kid's -2
A- several
DD- 12-10-12
Starting recovery

"I don't understand the world today I don't understand what she needs I gave her everything she threw it all away" tom petty

Posts: 228 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Los Angeles
♀ 30817
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 10:04 AM, May 5th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I sure would. I believe it all needs to come in out in order to successfully reconcile. And that failure to adequately address previous affairs partly led to another. So, that would be a pretty major requirement for me to keep working on the relationship.

So sorry you are in that situation though. Yuck.

Him WH
2 ddays in '07
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 8014 | Registered: Jan 2011
♂ 39099
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 11:04 AM, May 5th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Absolutely, we deserve to know everything that's happened in our marriages. I asked about earlier affairs, ONS's, whether all four children were mine, you name it. My wife's answers, and the way she answered, convinced me that I was dealing with just one affair (LTA, though). It's important to know whether you are dealing with a fallen women who went off the rails one time, or a serial cheater who cannot or will not control her behavior without intensive IC.

Knowledge is power.

Sorry you find yourself in this situation, hang in there.


Posts: 1969 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Southwest
♀ 37154
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 11:09 AM, May 5th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That was one of my polygraph questions: have you had sexual relations with any other women that I am not aware of? I have been glad to know.

Dday -9/23/2012

Posts: 2313 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
♂ 31240
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 11:18 AM, May 5th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your WS's life needs to be an open book. Coming clean is the number 1 thing a WS can do to start rebuilding trust.

Not answering questions is being untruthful and dishonest by omission, and you can't R with a dishonest person - and a WS can't become a decent partner if she's not being honest.

[This message edited by sisoon at 11:18 AM, May 5th (Sunday)]

fBH (me) - 66 on d-day, Married 43, together 45 on d-day, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
Most of us know only our own experience. That's not enough data to support a general rule that D, or R, is right in every sitch.

Posts: 17096 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Illinois
♀ 24938
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 12:22 PM, May 5th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The more honest and open the WS is -the easier it is to believe what they say.

I needed to know everything.

And I also asked questions about whether or not this was the only OW etc.

The more questions he was willing to answer the more I began to believe him.

I needed to know everything before I could decide on R.

Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA

Posts: 3174 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
Topic Posts: 6

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