Hi. I found out a week and a half ago that my husband was cheating on me. At first I just thought it was a woman at work, and going on for a few weeks, but as the days went on and I uncovered more information I found out that it spans 3 women and 5 years.
We've been together for 7 years, married for 2. We have a 19 month old daughter, and I'm currently 9 weeks pregnant with a baby that we had actively been trying to have for a few months.
He's staying with a family member currently, and my daughter and I are at home. He did write an email to his parents, my dad, and close friends revealing what he has done over the past 5 years. He wrote it after I had uncovered everything. Everyone was shocked. He was lying to his mom about it at first, and both of them were trying to turn it around on me, it sucked.
Right now both of us are in therapy individually but haven't attended couples therapy yet. I told him he needs to see his therapist twice a week for awhile before we start couples therapy. Both of us have also been reading some books, one of them is a book we're reading at the same time to discuss it after chapters - 'Not Just Friends'.
i'm just trying to make it day by day right now. I'm currently in school, and it's finals week. I've been trying to maintain a 4.0 gpa for the semester, so everything that has happened has really thrown me off.
my friends think i'm handling it wonderfully, but i know i'm struggling. we're still sleeping together, but i won't let him stay over. i am organizing visits so he can see our daughter, and he knows that i have started my own bank account and have contacted a lawyer.
he keeps telling me how much he loves me, how much he fucked up, that all he thought about was himself and never imagined the amount of destruction that his actions would cause.
Of course, that's not how he was acting right after I found out. He was just angry, giving me excuses, telling me he needs time, that he loves me but doesn't know if he's still in love with me.. AND, even though the workbroad knew about my daughter and I ( i talked to her through text message), and she was very apologetic to me, telling me she'd never get involved with him if she knew, they were continuing to talk for up to two days later, she was still sending him pictures, telling him that he could make it up to her, she wanted to be there with him, telling him everything i said, mocking me. I didn't send her anything nasty, I just texted her when I found out and said that I was WS's wife, that i was pregnant, that we had a daughter, that he was lying to both of us, etc. After I found out she was still messing around with him I called her a bitch and told her she's a terrible person. Not my shining moment, but I hate her guts.
The relationship with her was all sexting and talking on the phone, sending pics back and forth. After WS changes jobs I want to call and get her fired. I saved transcripts between them in case of divorce, and it shows that they were messing around during work hours.
This post is already long, and the deal with the other women is another post in itself.
I love him, but I hate him. I've always been faithful. I've had the passwords for his email addresses and other accounts but never logged in because I trusted him so much I felt like I didn't need to. If I had just looked one time, I would have seen this before.
Right now, i'm just trying to make it through finals. Then I can try to make sense of my life.
He finished one of the books I gave him, ' how to heal your wounded lover after an affair'. That's not the exact name, but it's similar to that, it's around 80 pages long. we talked about some of the stuff in the book.
If we didn't have kids, I think I would have walked away, but with our little girl and being pregnant right now, I just can't see myself not giving him another chance. I want my family back together.
I have told him that this is it though. Complete transparency, and if there's even a hint of him cheating i'm taking the kids and leaving.
I know I could be handling things better right now, but i'm just trying to take it day by day, and I don't think i'm ready for tough love yet.
People kept telling me that they thought we were the perfect couple, that we looked so happy. I thought we were.