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savvy posted 5/5/2013 17:46 PM

It's still very raw and new only a week and a half since d-day. But I feel like I am getting worse rather than better. I am still pushing myself to go to work, to do homework and I have been seeking out new friends. But even when I am with people my every thought is obsessed with Wh and the whole damn situation. I am so down,so sad, in so much pain, and feel so alone. I find myself getting to hopeful about him wanting to try a R. And I don't think it's going to happen so I don't want to get my hopes up just to be shot down again. Does this happen to others ? Does it get worse before better?

anemie posted 5/5/2013 17:58 PM

I hate to tell you it gets a lot worse before it gets better and then just as you think you are doing great it gets pretty bad again. Everyone here has had different experiences and everyone processes it differently but we will all tell you the healing process is a roller coaster. And not a fun one. But here at SI you are surrounded by people that have been through the same thing and can be very insightful, I personally don't think I would be doing as well as I am without SI.

savvy posted 5/5/2013 18:21 PM

Anemie
I don't know how you do it with such young children. And one on the way! I don't think I could though I do wish my children were home for some company, but there pretty much adults. I hope things get better for you.

newlysingle posted 5/5/2013 18:46 PM

I think initially you're just in shock, so you're not really processing what is happening yet. Then about a week later the grief really sets in. Next will come the anger and you will need the anger to do what you need to do.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm a few months out from d-day and divorcing and it's still not easy. I have good days and really bad days. However, my good days are starting to outnumber the bad days so I know I've made some progress.

sailorgirl posted 5/5/2013 18:55 PM

savvy,
You are totally normal. Even 5 months out, I can suddenly start feeling worse again, much worse. Sometimes, I cycle between up and down so fast I feel like I have whiplash. I thought about the A every minute of every day for the first three months. And my WH actually wanted R from d-day--apparently that didn't make me less obsessed or volatile.

Give yourself a huge congrats for going to work and seeking out new friends!! Baby steps.

Ashland13 posted 5/5/2013 19:15 PM

This is my world, thank you for the post.

I feel like something of an imbecile when the emotions come and they change as abruptly as they arrived.

I'm about three months out frm DDay and a year of being alone and am pregnant.

At an appointment recently, I sat on the table like a fool and cried hysterically when I learned I'm having a boy and then laughed hysterically when the bathroom door opened and someone was in there! It was so bizarre and nothing I could control.

The grief...the grief is my constant companion and like DD I never know when it will sneak up behind me.

I will say that little by little, some of the break up advice people give is starting to make sense. But during the initial shock, I simply couldn't fathom it.

I wish you well savvy. The first weeks and months after DDay were literally hell on earth, where I felt this purgatory around me. I did not know what day it was, what time it was and only really survived to care for DD. I didn't know I was pregnant -like usual I guess-so I had that added stuff to go through. I think an entire month of that went by, where I knew the world was going on without me, but I didn't know why.

The fluxuation of good and bad moments is hard and what I struggle with is trying to learn what the triggers are. I want the most, now, to know what the triggers are for when I feel good and I don't want to let them go.

Again I'm sorry for what your going through. I envy you the chance for R if it's still there and I hope what you end up wanting to happen will be what does happen.

The one piece of advice that did work for me right away was not making any decisions other than daily things, what to wear or eat.

I understand that alone feeling and one thing that helped me battle it was/is being on SI, because here I am not alone and can work on things when everyone else is sick of it or it's not a counseling day.

I have some strategies I use still that were my first glimpses of knowing that life would be okay. Rather than be longer, I could pm them if you wanted. They were things I learned on my own.

I wish you well.