This is my world, thank you for the post.
I feel like something of an imbecile when the emotions come and they change as abruptly as they arrived.
I'm about three months out frm DDay and a year of being alone and am pregnant.
At an appointment recently, I sat on the table like a fool and cried hysterically when I learned I'm having a boy and then laughed hysterically when the bathroom door opened and someone was in there! It was so bizarre and nothing I could control.
The grief...the grief is my constant companion and like DD I never know when it will sneak up behind me.
I will say that little by little, some of the break up advice people give is starting to make sense. But during the initial shock, I simply couldn't fathom it.
I wish you well savvy. The first weeks and months after DDay were literally hell on earth, where I felt this purgatory around me. I did not know what day it was, what time it was and only really survived to care for DD. I didn't know I was pregnant -like usual I guess-so I had that added stuff to go through. I think an entire month of that went by, where I knew the world was going on without me, but I didn't know why.
The fluxuation of good and bad moments is hard and what I struggle with is trying to learn what the triggers are. I want the most, now, to know what the triggers are for when I feel good and I don't want to let them go.
Again I'm sorry for what your going through. I envy you the chance for R if it's still there and I hope what you end up wanting to happen will be what does happen.
The one piece of advice that did work for me right away was not making any decisions other than daily things, what to wear or eat.
I understand that alone feeling and one thing that helped me battle it was/is being on SI, because here I am not alone and can work on things when everyone else is sick of it or it's not a counseling day.
I have some strategies I use still that were my first glimpses of knowing that life would be okay. Rather than be longer, I could pm them if you wanted. They were things I learned on my own.
I wish you well.
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.