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Newest Member: SadDadOf3 (46038)

User Topic: Save me from my teenagers
risingfromashes
♀ 3903
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 6:31 PM, May 5th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know that their brains are hardwired at this stage to be selfish, entitled, and clueless ....But God help me!

At my wit's end. Maybe it is my fault for spoiling and trying to do everything I could for them?

Simple requests are greeted with eye-rolling, deep sighing ,and nasty comments.

Damn I am tired!


There is a wonderful life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1730 | Registered: Mar 2004
authenticnow
♀ 16024
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 6:33 PM, May 5th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((risingfromashes)))

No advice, just hugs.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 38965 | Registered: Sep 2007
jrc1963
♀ 26531
Member # 26531
Default  Posted: 6:45 PM, May 5th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Rising... I've got a precocious 11 year old who thinks he's already a teen...

No advice from me either except to lock them in their rooms until you can coerce them to sign a peace accord.


Me: BSO - 46
Him: FWSO - 69
DS - 13
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

Posts: 24750 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
risingfromashes
♀ 3903
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 6:56 PM, May 5th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My french catholic mother always threaten to put me in a convent.
She had a reasonable plan (in hind-site)!


There is a wonderful life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1730 | Registered: Mar 2004
debbysbaby
♀ 32962
Member # 32962
Default  Posted: 7:03 PM, May 5th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We must have the same kids. I have three, and I swear, I want to run away and change my name. I'm done.


-betrayed almost my whole almost 15 yr marriage
-divorced since 2004

Posts: 887 | Registered: Aug 2011
TrustNoOne
♀ 16591
Member # 16591
Default  Posted: 7:31 PM, May 5th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel for you.

My son is almost 22 now, but there were several years when I wasn't sure that either of us were going to survive the day.

We did.

But it was a very very long road.

((((((risingfromashes))))))


Posts: 1328 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: SoCal
nowiknow23
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 8:03 PM, May 5th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((rising))))

My father used to threaten to throw us in a closet when we turned 13, and said he would let us out when we could prove we were humans again.

Sending you tons of strength, honey.


You can call me NIK

"Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you."
-Walt Whitman


Posts: 26516 | Registered: Aug 2011
jo2love
♀ 31528
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 9:11 PM, May 5th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((risingfromashes)))

Posts: 36807 | Registered: Mar 2011
metamorphisis
♀ 12041
Member # 12041
Default  Posted: 9:17 PM, May 5th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was moping about this in the mod forum the other day. My dd who I was sure had skipped the nasty teenager phase has found it. I was literally at my wits end with the moody, rude, and petulant attitude the other day.
She's awesome for everyone.. but me. Something about my face causes her to launch into a never ending string of complaints lately.

Seriously.. she complained at me about two different things after school the other day before she had taken off her shoes.

I try to understand but it builds.. and builds.. and then I blow. Have you ever seen one of those nature shows where the cubs are climbing all over the mama tiger and playing and biting and then she finally snaps and roars and scares the crap out of them? Yeah.. that.

ETA) and I stand in awe of you because if I had more than one teenager attitude to deal with right now I wouldn't know what to do.

[This message edited by metamorphisis at 9:20 PM, May 5th (Sunday)]



“We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are.”... Anais Nin

Posts: 45404 | Registered: Sep 2006
click4it
♀ 209
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 12:12 AM, May 6th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((rising))))

I could have wrote what you just did. I KNOW. I do hear it gets better in about 4 years.

Hang in there!


Me: 42
Two boys: 17 and 14
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25628 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
whensenough
♀ 36700
Member # 36700
Default  Posted: 12:41 AM, May 6th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So it doesnt get easier as they get older lol??

((rising))


WSO: 29
BSO: 27 mommy of 3 under 7, #4 due may 2013
D Day#1: august 25 2010 ow#1
D Day#2: jun 15 2012 from 7 mt PA/EA with ow#2
+ a couple of short term flings.
D Day #3 sometime the last week in march / false R Same ow
OVER IT ALL!! DONE!!

Posts: 222 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Tx
click4it
♀ 209
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 12:43 AM, May 6th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lets put it this way - its hard when they are babies to toddlers then you get about a 5 year break - then its hard all over again from 11- ??


Me: 42
Two boys: 17 and 14
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25628 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
MissesJai
♀ 24849
Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 6:04 PM, May 6th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

as the mother of an 18 year old, I sympathize...


FWW - 41
"Don't think first about the risks of speaking up. Think first about the risks of not speaking up." ~ Kerry Patterson

Posts: 6042 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
kernel
♀ 27035
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 6:50 PM, May 6th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm here to say that you will survive - I lived through three teenagers. Sometimes I don't know how! They were all different so "experience" with one didn't really help me with the others!

Simple requests are greeted with eye-rolling, deep sighing ,and nasty comments.

All three of them did this. I finally learned to not react unless they ignored me and didn't do what I asked.

My oldest DD, well as a teen she pretty much hated everyone in the family and especially me. We just rubbed each other the wrong way. A lot of it had to do with shit her birth mother did to her and that she had to work through. Thankfully, in college, she finally realized I was not the devil and actually loved her to pieces. It took being away from each other for me to forgive her teenage behavior. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder in some cases!

With my youngest daughter, it was very different. We were always close, even while she was a teen, but she'd still have the moody eye-rolling, heavy sigh bull-shit going on. A tactic I used with her, especially when I was at the end of my very last nerve, was to write her a letter telling her how her behavior and lack of respect made me feel. This method let me tell her things in a reasonable way, without all the negative emotions and arguments. I would also lay down the law in the letter and state the consequences of future attitude issues. It seemed to help to tell her that if she wanted my respect and trust, she needed to give the same thing to me.

My son, well, he's the miracle child - a miracle he's still alive and a miracle I'm not in jail. He was so much harder - he was never confrontational. He just did whatever the hell he wanted and damn the consequences. Totally lived in the moment. Now he's the sweetest man - go figure.

So, now they're all grown up and I miss them like crazy and I am SOOO stinking proud of them. I did a good job with them, despite all the trials and tribulations. Just do the best you can and be good to yourself and take a break from your kids now and then - it helps.

[This message edited by kernel at 6:52 PM, May 6th (Monday)]


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5337 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
Snapdragon
♀ 4286
Member # 4286
Default  Posted: 8:03 PM, May 6th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd like to offer a little bit of hope. Your teens are expressing themselves. That is GREAT!

I was a middle child, a people pleaser, and was quite intimidated by my parents. Not that they did anything wrong. But my mother could make someone straighten up with just a LOOK!

So, I suppressed so much just to maintain peace. I would not complain or express my pains. That turned into a very bad habit later in life.

So, as painful as it is to YOU... please encourage them to express themselves. Try to be understanding. But kick their asses when they are being entitled and selfish.


Divorced - recovered and hoping to help.

"We're not broken, just bent, and we can learn to love again" ~Pink


Posts: 3095 | Registered: May 2004 | From: Midwest
metamorphisis
♀ 12041
Member # 12041
Default  Posted: 8:26 PM, May 6th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I got a text from my dd today..

"Consider this a preemptive apology for the horrendous mood I am in and the shitty attitude I am going to have when I get home. Today sucked."

It actually made me laugh (and no, I don't care about the swearing.. she knows the time and place). When she got home she was tired but funny and we had a good chat.

Here's the thing. Being a teenager is HARD. Remember hating everything and everyone sometimes and not even knowing why? Feeling like a slug and hopelessly unattractive? No idea what to do with your future while everyone told you how important it was? Bitchy girls and rude and mean boys to placate and deal with every day at school?
There is so much pressure on these kids. And like Kernel was saying.. I read somewhere that even if they are surly and eye rolling while they do what you asked.. pay attention to the fact that they are doing it. It shows you still have their respect.

It's all hard to navigate but I am confident she's growing up to be someone I will be proud to have raised. She's empathetic and kind and very passionate about what she believes in.

Now just to remind myself of this 20 times a day

[This message edited by metamorphisis at 8:26 PM, May 6th (Monday)]



“We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are.”... Anais Nin

Posts: 45404 | Registered: Sep 2006
Topic Posts: 16

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