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risingfromashes posted 5/5/2013 18:31 PM

I know that their brains are hardwired at this stage to be selfish, entitled, and clueless ....But God help me!

At my wit's end. Maybe it is my fault for spoiling and trying to do everything I could for them?

Simple requests are greeted with eye-rolling, deep sighing ,and nasty comments.

Damn I am tired!

authenticnow posted 5/5/2013 18:33 PM

(((risingfromashes)))

No advice, just hugs.

jrc1963 posted 5/5/2013 18:45 PM

Rising... I've got a precocious 11 year old who thinks he's already a teen...

No advice from me either except to lock them in their rooms until you can coerce them to sign a peace accord.

risingfromashes posted 5/5/2013 18:56 PM

My french catholic mother always threaten to put me in a convent.
She had a reasonable plan (in hind-site)!

debbysbaby posted 5/5/2013 19:03 PM

We must have the same kids. I have three, and I swear, I want to run away and change my name. I'm done.

TrustNoOne posted 5/5/2013 19:31 PM

I feel for you.

My son is almost 22 now, but there were several years when I wasn't sure that either of us were going to survive the day.

We did.

But it was a very very long road.

((((((risingfromashes))))))

nowiknow23 posted 5/5/2013 20:03 PM

((((rising))))

My father used to threaten to throw us in a closet when we turned 13, and said he would let us out when we could prove we were humans again.

Sending you tons of strength, honey.

jo2love posted 5/5/2013 21:11 PM

(((risingfromashes)))

metamorphisis posted 5/5/2013 21:17 PM

I was moping about this in the mod forum the other day. My dd who I was sure had skipped the nasty teenager phase has found it. I was literally at my wits end with the moody, rude, and petulant attitude the other day.
She's awesome for everyone.. but me. Something about my face causes her to launch into a never ending string of complaints lately.

Seriously.. she complained at me about two different things after school the other day before she had taken off her shoes.

I try to understand but it builds.. and builds.. and then I blow. Have you ever seen one of those nature shows where the cubs are climbing all over the mama tiger and playing and biting and then she finally snaps and roars and scares the crap out of them? Yeah.. that.

ETA) and I stand in awe of you because if I had more than one teenager attitude to deal with right now I wouldn't know what to do.

[This message edited by metamorphisis at 9:20 PM, May 5th (Sunday)]

click4it posted 5/6/2013 00:12 AM

((((rising))))

I could have wrote what you just did. I KNOW. I do hear it gets better in about 4 years.

Hang in there!

whensenough posted 5/6/2013 00:41 AM

So it doesnt get easier as they get older lol??

((rising))

click4it posted 5/6/2013 00:43 AM

Lets put it this way - its hard when they are babies to toddlers then you get about a 5 year break - then its hard all over again from 11- ??

MissesJai posted 5/6/2013 18:04 PM

as the mother of an 18 year old, I sympathize...

kernel posted 5/6/2013 18:50 PM

I'm here to say that you will survive - I lived through three teenagers. Sometimes I don't know how! They were all different so "experience" with one didn't really help me with the others!

Simple requests are greeted with eye-rolling, deep sighing ,and nasty comments.

All three of them did this. I finally learned to not react unless they ignored me and didn't do what I asked.

My oldest DD, well as a teen she pretty much hated everyone in the family and especially me. We just rubbed each other the wrong way. A lot of it had to do with shit her birth mother did to her and that she had to work through. Thankfully, in college, she finally realized I was not the devil and actually loved her to pieces. It took being away from each other for me to forgive her teenage behavior. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder in some cases!

With my youngest daughter, it was very different. We were always close, even while she was a teen, but she'd still have the moody eye-rolling, heavy sigh bull-shit going on. A tactic I used with her, especially when I was at the end of my very last nerve, was to write her a letter telling her how her behavior and lack of respect made me feel. This method let me tell her things in a reasonable way, without all the negative emotions and arguments. I would also lay down the law in the letter and state the consequences of future attitude issues. It seemed to help to tell her that if she wanted my respect and trust, she needed to give the same thing to me.

My son, well, he's the miracle child - a miracle he's still alive and a miracle I'm not in jail. He was so much harder - he was never confrontational. He just did whatever the hell he wanted and damn the consequences. Totally lived in the moment. Now he's the sweetest man - go figure.

So, now they're all grown up and I miss them like crazy and I am SOOO stinking proud of them. I did a good job with them, despite all the trials and tribulations. Just do the best you can and be good to yourself and take a break from your kids now and then - it helps.

[This message edited by kernel at 6:52 PM, May 6th (Monday)]

Snapdragon posted 5/6/2013 20:03 PM

I'd like to offer a little bit of hope. Your teens are expressing themselves. That is GREAT!

I was a middle child, a people pleaser, and was quite intimidated by my parents. Not that they did anything wrong. But my mother could make someone straighten up with just a LOOK!

So, I suppressed so much just to maintain peace. I would not complain or express my pains. That turned into a very bad habit later in life.

So, as painful as it is to YOU... please encourage them to express themselves. Try to be understanding. But kick their asses when they are being entitled and selfish.

metamorphisis posted 5/6/2013 20:26 PM

I got a text from my dd today..

"Consider this a preemptive apology for the horrendous mood I am in and the shitty attitude I am going to have when I get home. Today sucked."

It actually made me laugh (and no, I don't care about the swearing.. she knows the time and place). When she got home she was tired but funny and we had a good chat.

Here's the thing. Being a teenager is HARD. Remember hating everything and everyone sometimes and not even knowing why? Feeling like a slug and hopelessly unattractive? No idea what to do with your future while everyone told you how important it was? Bitchy girls and rude and mean boys to placate and deal with every day at school?
There is so much pressure on these kids. And like Kernel was saying.. I read somewhere that even if they are surly and eye rolling while they do what you asked.. pay attention to the fact that they are doing it. It shows you still have their respect.

It's all hard to navigate but I am confident she's growing up to be someone I will be proud to have raised. She's empathetic and kind and very passionate about what she believes in.

Now just to remind myself of this 20 times a day

[This message edited by metamorphisis at 8:26 PM, May 6th (Monday)]