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Time for change

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fallingquickly posted 5/5/2013 22:03 PM

I think it's finally time that I can make the leap. I've been holding out hope that my WH would change. He wants to stay together. I've been waiting for him to follow through with his promise to answer every question. I guess I've been testing to see if he would honor his promise. Trying to see if I might somehow trust him again. We've been talking less and less. I asked a question yesterday. His response was that he wouldn't answer. That I need to let irrelevant details go. Once again he wants control. He wants to decide what I get to know. I don't believe he will ever be totally truthful about the past or the future. If he thinks I don't need to know he wont tell me.

So that's just a long way of saying that it's time to file. It breaks my heart.

PurpleRose posted 5/5/2013 23:40 PM

When it is time, it is time and you just know. The turning point for me was the Dooosh looking at me and saying "what I do is none of your fucking business!"

And we were supposed to be in R. Ha! That was it, I was D-O-N-E.

We are here for you. It broke my heart , again, when I finally realized it was over... WE were no more. I spent some time in disbelief, then the emotions hit hard. Be gentle with yourself.

[This message edited by PurpleRose at 11:41 PM, May 5th (Sunday)]

fallingquickly posted 5/6/2013 00:21 AM

Thank you, PurpleRose. I've been crying tonight. Change is tough. I've been holding on to what I thought our marriage was. If I look at it objectively, which is extremely difficult, I know I can never trust him again. I would never have that closeness we used to have. I would always be mourning what was lost. That's no way for either of us to live. He really won't have any problem moving on. He's a big compartmentalizer. He will just file me away. I can't do that so will have a rougher time.

I really appreciate the support. This is such a hard night.

dindy posted 5/6/2013 00:34 AM

((((((((falling quickly))))))

I completely understand how you feel.

Sending strength and love.

fallingquickly posted 5/6/2013 21:01 PM

Thank you, dindy.
I'm feeling stronger about it today. Sent an email to my attorney late today. I will likely hear from her tomorrow. There's a bunch of paperwork to do about assets. 33 years is a long time to be together. Our lives and assets are completely entwined. I told my son last night. When I first found out about WH my son asked me to try to keep the family together. Now, over two years later, I was worried to tell him I was ready to move forward. He told me I'm doing the right thing. It will be hard to tell my WH but I think he knows it's time as well. He will be much happier without me.

oklahoma2012 posted 5/7/2013 08:51 AM

So.. i guess this is what you meant 24 hours ago by saying you wanted by a "break from talking"... So what has changed in the last 24 hours??? Or was it alway just a ruse??

But seriously, you don;t even have the common decency to tell me before you publish that you are filing to the world, -- oh and what about all those discussions -- if we ever got to this stage, we'd talk to the kids together?? Guess that went out the window too...

What friends have you told?? How about my family... since you seems to think it's your responsibility?? Just wondering.. If you need anything.. please have your lawyer call mine.

JensSux posted 5/7/2013 09:02 AM


curiouswiz posted 5/7/2013 09:22 AM

Big hugs today falling..we're here for you. Stay strong and stay safe.

fallingquickly posted 5/7/2013 12:21 PM


I guess this site isn't good enough for you to get support and try to learn how to change but it's good enough for you to watch me work out my pain. One more thing you're taking away from me.

I've seen people on here find out their spouse was following what they were writing. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. This was the most difficult decision of my life. I am devastated that you won't change. I've been fighting for us even after all you've done. I held out hope that you would come here for help. Instead you're using it against me.

I'm sorry that it has come to this. I wish it hadn't.

fallingquickly posted 5/7/2013 12:22 PM

And given your start date and lack of posts I guess you also lied about deleting your account and making one post which you were afraid that I might see.

dmari posted 5/7/2013 12:26 PM

I am so sorry your heart is breaking. I am sorry that SI is not a safe place for you to share. That is a real shame. Take care of yourself. Big hugs and support, dmari

fallingquickly posted 5/7/2013 12:30 PM

Thank you.

PurpleRose posted 5/7/2013 22:38 PM

oh hell no.. falling - you have every right to post whatever and whenever you want on SI.

Your soon-to-be-exASS can suck eggs! Sending you strength to get through this difficult time!

la433 posted 5/8/2013 09:50 AM


Don't let him intimidate you. You should tell everyone you want to tell about the filing and the reason. He cannot dictate who you can tell what to, when you tell them or how you tell them.

It's funny that he is not wanting you to tell what you are going to do to everyone, but at the same time doesn't want to come clean with you. Hypocrisy much?

Geez, he should have thought about the consequences of his actions prior to rather than after. And then to criticize you for coming on this board to get support? Really?

I'm with you ((fallingquickly)).

Be strong.

disgust posted 5/8/2013 09:50 AM

Common decency? Hah!


fallingquickly posted 5/8/2013 14:08 PM

Thank you.

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