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hey everyone - its been a while since I've posted. usually when I do post, its about an issue I need to get off my chest.

Well for the first time in maybe YEARS...I feel fantastic. I actually walked into my counselor's office last week and told her I can actually say I'm feeling fantastic. Me? Fantastic? That word doesn't usually apply to me. Sure, I've been good, ok, fine - but fantastic? Nah, can't remember when that was.

I had a sort of "break thru" emotionally last week that I won't get completely into, but this break thru has allowed me to see myself in a whole new light.

The death of my father really hit me hard and the grief was almost intolerable. Issues with my teen son had taken its toll and there was some stress at work. For a while, I honestly didn't think I was going to make it through.

And then, like a lightening bolt, I felt free. I felt connected to the world again and I am enjoying the ride.

Edited to add: I don't want to "jinx" myself or anything - but I just thought I'd share what I see as wonderful news. Those that know me on SI (for all the years that I've posted) will be shocked at this post.

[This message edited by click4it at 11:56 PM, May 5th (Sunday)]

Love this.

I liken my own breakthrough(s) to childbirth.

Scary as hell. Painful as hell. The unknown scared me far more than what actually ended up happening. I rocked it like a natural!

Uncivilised, unpleasant but necessary. And what a prize at the end!!

Nurture this feeling friend.

Hi, Click! Awesome update!!

I'm really glad to hear this click....it is about time you have some happiness and peaceful feelings!

oops, double post!

[This message edited by NaiveAgain at 11:57 AM, May 6th (Monday)]

Awesome clicky. I am looking forward to the N. Cali g2g to see the Fantastic You.

Yay! That's wonderful!

What an amazing post click!!! SOOOO happy for you!

thanks everyone!

Yaaaay! Love it.

You looked/sounded awesome on Saturday, so I'm not even really surprised. And your lasagne? Devoured.

Thrilled for you, Click. THRILLED!!!

One of the best updates I've read in a while. Thanks for sharing!!

Come to think of it I don't think I've ever said I felt fantastic in all the 10 years I been posting on here.

Its a relief to actually say it and meaning it. Maybe its all the praying I've done, maybe its all the grief I've processed, maybe its my awesome counselor who I love and maybe its just...TIME. Maybe I'm almost 41 and just time to finally be free to be me and not feel afraid to feel great.

I don't know what it all means just yet, and I don't know how long it will last, but for now as I said I'm enjoying the ride and hoping to take new skills learned to keep scars zipped up and hurt feelings in the past.

Thanks Jazz for the compliment on the lasange. I tell ya its the one thing I'm pretty confident I can cook well. And I only make it for people I like.

[This message edited by click4it at 5:47 PM, May 6th (Monday)]

This is awesome!!!!

yay!! this warms my heart.

I am so proud of you and happy for you and glad you came to share!!!

LOVE the word fantastic. It's that much better than "good"

Also, in case I didn't say it enough on Saturday, Jrazz is right. Anytime you want to make your lasagna, let me know and I will stop by and gladly releive you of any leftovers.