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click4it (original poster member #209) posted at 5:52 AM on Monday, May 6th, 2013
hey everyone - its been a while since I've posted. usually when I do post, its about an issue I need to get off my chest.
Well for the first time in maybe YEARS...I feel fantastic. I actually walked into my counselor's office last week and told her I can actually say I'm feeling fantastic. Me? Fantastic? That word doesn't usually apply to me. Sure, I've been good, ok, fine - but fantastic? Nah, can't remember when that was.
I had a sort of "break thru" emotionally last week that I won't get completely into, but this break thru has allowed me to see myself in a whole new light.
The death of my father really hit me hard and the grief was almost intolerable. Issues with my teen son had taken its toll and there was some stress at work. For a while, I honestly didn't think I was going to make it through.
And then, like a lightening bolt, I felt free. I felt connected to the world again and I am enjoying the ride.
Edited to add: I don't want to "jinx" myself or anything - but I just thought I'd share what I see as wonderful news. Those that know me on SI (for all the years that I've posted) will be shocked at this post.
[This message edited by click4it at 11:56 PM, May 5th (Sunday)]
Me: 45
Two boys: 20 and 17
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01
Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?
thebighurt ( member #34722) posted at 5:58 AM on Monday, May 6th, 2013
Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?
wildbananas ( member #10552) posted at 6:42 AM on Monday, May 6th, 2013
Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan
SBB ( member #35229) posted at 12:43 PM on Monday, May 6th, 2013
Love this.
I liken my own breakthrough(s) to childbirth.
Scary as hell. Painful as hell. The unknown scared me far more than what actually ended up happening. I rocked it like a natural!
Uncivilised, unpleasant but necessary. And what a prize at the end!!
Nurture this feeling friend.
I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!
FaithFool ( member #20150) posted at 5:01 PM on Monday, May 6th, 2013
DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire
jo2love ( member #31528) posted at 5:33 PM on Monday, May 6th, 2013
Hi, Click! Awesome update!! 
NaiveAgain ( member #20849) posted at 5:39 PM on Monday, May 6th, 2013
I'm really glad to hear this click....it is about time you have some happiness and peaceful feelings!
Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.
NaiveAgain ( member #20849) posted at 5:56 PM on Monday, May 6th, 2013
oops, double post!
[This message edited by NaiveAgain at 11:57 AM, May 6th (Monday)]
Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.
MovingUpward ( member #14866) posted at 5:58 PM on Monday, May 6th, 2013
Awesome clicky. I am looking forward to the N. Cali g2g to see the Fantastic You.
tryingagain74 ( member #33698) posted at 6:06 PM on Monday, May 6th, 2013
Yay! That's wonderful!
FBS; now happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley
persevere ( member #31468) posted at 8:45 PM on Monday, May 6th, 2013
What an amazing post click!!! SOOOO happy for you!
DDay:2011
Status: D 2011
Remarried to a kind and wonderful man - 2017
Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron
It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K.
click4it (original poster member #209) posted at 9:00 PM on Monday, May 6th, 2013
thanks everyone!
Me: 45
Two boys: 20 and 17
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01
Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?
Jrazz ( member #31349) posted at 9:22 PM on Monday, May 6th, 2013
Yaaaay! Love it.
You looked/sounded awesome on Saturday, so I'm not even really surprised. And your lasagne? Devoured.
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom
Too_Trusting ( member #99) posted at 11:29 PM on Monday, May 6th, 2013
Thrilled for you, Click. THRILLED!!!
"Anyone perfect must be lying; anything easy has its cost. Anyone plain can be lovely; anyone loved can be lost." Barenaked Ladies
Amazonia ( member #32810) posted at 11:34 PM on Monday, May 6th, 2013
One of the best updates I've read in a while. Thanks for sharing!!
"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ
click4it (original poster member #209) posted at 11:47 PM on Monday, May 6th, 2013
Come to think of it I don't think I've ever said I felt fantastic in all the 10 years I been posting on here. 
Its a relief to actually say it and meaning it. Maybe its all the praying I've done, maybe its all the grief I've processed, maybe its my awesome counselor who I love and maybe its just...TIME. Maybe I'm almost 41 and just time to finally be free to be me and not feel afraid to feel great.
I don't know what it all means just yet, and I don't know how long it will last, but for now as I said I'm enjoying the ride and hoping to take new skills learned to keep scars zipped up and hurt feelings in the past.
Thanks Jazz for the compliment on the lasange. I tell ya its the one thing I'm pretty confident I can cook well. And I only make it for people I like.
[This message edited by click4it at 5:47 PM, May 6th (Monday)]
Me: 45
Two boys: 20 and 17
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01
Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?
little turtle ( member #15584) posted at 2:13 AM on Tuesday, May 7th, 2013
Failure is success if we learn from it.
Amazonia ( member #32810) posted at 2:14 AM on Tuesday, May 7th, 2013
"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ
caregiver9000 ( member #28622) posted at 2:44 AM on Tuesday, May 7th, 2013
yay!! this warms my heart.
I am so proud of you and happy for you and glad you came to share!!!
LOVE the word fantastic. It's that much better than "good"
Me: fortysomething, independent, happy,
XH "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
two kids, teens. Old enough I am truly NO CONTACT w/ NPD zebraduck
S 5/2010
D 12/2012
Jpapageorge ( member #31800) posted at 10:45 PM on Tuesday, May 7th, 2013
Also, in case I didn't say it enough on Saturday, Jrazz is right. Anytime you want to make your lasagna, let me know and I will stop by and gladly releive you of any leftovers.
"Either get busy livin' or get busy dyin'." (and I prefer to live)
"Shame on me for kissing you with my eyes closed."
Spectemur agendo.
Me: FBBF
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