He may love me, but not in the way i need. some honesty and no transparency is not enough for me. not after losing all i have lost. i wanted a better marriage. i find i really only have gained his company. i dont think his company is acceptable compensation for what he has stolen. I'm sorry for this vent. Just need validation.
[This message edited by housenotahome at 7:50 PM, May 6th (Monday)]
My mom died when she was 37 after having breast cancer at 33. I learned early in my life that time can't be wasted. If H hadn't pulled up his boots immediately, I would've flown the coop. After 1 month of hell after Dday 1, in spite of a H that seemed completely remorseful, 12 hours after Dday 2 (when I learned he was still seeing her) I was done. Lucky for him - he knew I meant it - and still do. I'd be happier alone than as 3rd man out in my own marriage.
Try IC - for YOU not the M. You deserve happiness Kiki. IC might give you the strength you need to demand it and if that doesn't work - go searching for it.
You have been validated sister.
you know what i did? i got a really good ic. and some bitch boots. and i drew the line in the fucking sand. and had my r requirements caste in stone! i told him exactly what i needed from him, including access to not just his phone but the damn PHONE RECORDS. and you know what he did? he left me. so, i packed up all his stuff and put it outside. we separated for 3 months last summer....and yes he was seeing the ow during that time. i did a serious 180...and went on with my life. it was the hardest thing i had to do...but did it anyway! eventually, he agreed to everything i asked for...and now were are attempting a real r.
but i was prepared to leave his ass...for real when i put him out. and that is what you will have to be willing to do. you will need to 180 him hard, find your bitch boots, and let him go.
that is the only real shot you have at saving your m...if that is what you want in the end.
Thank you for such a great post
You haven't wasted anything. You have tried and given it your all to try and forgive your husband and make your marriage work. That isn't a waste that is noble.
You cannot fix or change this man. He has some serious issues that are not yours to own.
This tells me I'm still unsatisfying...He tells me if I like, he'll put me in the pig category too.
Really, wow. How charming.
This has nothing to do with your being unsatisfying. This has everything to do with his inability to adhere to boundaries and commit himself to his marriage.
You have to love yourself more than the idea of loving and fixing your husband. You have to stand up and say no more. Here is what is acceptable and here is what is not.
You have to be firm in not wanting to live in limbo any longer.
His breaking NC is huge. You know this. What are you prepared to do about it for yourself?
He placed his desires and needs before yours again, time for you to do the same.
You are stronger than you think. You can do this. Good luck.
[This message edited by 1Faith at 11:05 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday)]