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Newest Member: Mercedes66 (46046)

User Topic: Sigh... even at my age
Spirit13
♀ 31758
Member # 31758
Default  Posted: 7:38 PM, May 6th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's embarrassing. I was talking to my SO of almost 2 years a couple weeks ago and he makes this comment (I won't even give the context because it doesn't matter, but it wasn't a DEEP conversation or anything.)

So he remarks "Not a day goes by that I don't think about how much money I should be saving for (pause...) a house in Florida. I think about that several times a day. All the time."

But that pause... you KNOW where my brain instantaneously went. And the thing is - we haven't talked about getting married or engaged except in the idea that it is what we both want in the future, but we haven't set a time table or for goodness sakes ever talked about a ring. But my brain in that momentary pause - thinks for a second that he is going to say RING. Why? Where did that thought come from? I haven't been dwelling on getting engaged at all! Ugh I hate that I did it.

THEN this weekend, I mention to him that our 2 year anniversary (of our meeting/first date) is coming up in a couple weeks. I want us to be able to exchange cards or maybe have dinner. Nothing huge, but I like to at least mark the day. He first tries to play it off like he has no idea what I'm talking about and has forgotten. Then he says "Oh no, I already knew it was coming. Trust me."

Zing! Again. I hate it. Is it going to be like this for every little comment now for the next 2-3 years?

What is it about engagements, weddings, etc. that immediately turns us back into little girls?


Men were deceivers ever; one foot in sea and one on shore, to one thing constant never.

Posts: 620 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: Midwest
jo2love
♀ 31528
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 10:02 PM, May 6th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know, but now I'm wondering if he is going to propose on your anniversary.

Posts: 36817 | Registered: Mar 2011
Spirit13
♀ 31758
Member # 31758
Default  Posted: 8:43 AM, May 7th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's a romantic notion, but I highly doubt it. We've never discussed it terms of happening this soon. All I've said lately is that "I don't want to be dating for five years" and he agreed.

He has no idea what ring I would like, size, etc. So, there is a part of me that would be kind of worried about him just doing that without even checking with me.

So.... no. My post was just that it is frustrating that the girl mind will always "go there" even when my conscious knows it isn't going to happen.

The good news is that he is a fantastic guy and things are going great even after 2 years. Actually, year 2 has been better in the last 6 months than the first so I think we made it past the "post honeymoon stage blahs." I heard something last week about relationships and how to tell if you are in a good one. The person said "if your ratio of good interactions to negative interactions is more than 4:1 then you have a good relationship." He and I were listening to this together. We both remarked that gosh, our ratio is like 50:1, maybe even more. We have very, very few negative interactions and just get along really well. Things just tick along. Being "older" that works in our favor because at this point we are looking toward our last 10--15 years of working and then retirement so it is really important that we enjoy hobby time together which we do. Kids are older, finances are fairly set, personalities are fixed... you know what I mean?


Men were deceivers ever; one foot in sea and one on shore, to one thing constant never.

Posts: 620 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: Midwest
jennie160
♀ 29949
Member # 29949
Default  Posted: 8:57 AM, May 7th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What is it about engagements, weddings, etc. that immediately turns us back into little girls?

I know exactly what you mean.

SO and I have been dating for 2.5 years but we both want to live together before getting engaged and married. But even though "I know" it's not happening anytime soon I still get those moments where my brain will instantaneously go in that direction. I hate it because I feel like my mind is betraying me.


Posts: 921 | Registered: Oct 2010
million pieces
♀ 27539
Member # 27539
Default  Posted: 11:19 AM, May 7th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SO and I have been dating for 2.5 years but we both want to live together before getting engaged and married. But even though "I know" it's not happening anytime soon I still get those moments where my brain will instantaneously go in that direction. I hate it because I feel like my mind is betraying me.

I'm on the same timeline, don't even know for sure if I even want to be married again, but when he gave me earrings in a little box for my birthday I was a little sad it wasn't a ring


Me - 43
2 kids, 9 and 12
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Divorced 11/15/11!!!!

Posts: 1282 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
Spirit13
♀ 31758
Member # 31758
Default  Posted: 11:31 AM, May 7th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm on the same timeline, don't even know for sure if I even want to be married again, but when he gave me earrings in a little box for my birthday I was a little sad it wasn't a ring

You guys are making me feel so much better! I don't know what my deal is but it has to be something so deep seated in our brains.... damn Disney movies!


Men were deceivers ever; one foot in sea and one on shore, to one thing constant never.

Posts: 620 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: Midwest
little turtle
♀ 15584
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 2:29 PM, May 7th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm going on 2 years with SO. He knows I'm waiting for a ring. We've already discussed some wedding plans and have a date picked out. I'm just waiting for the ring to make it all official so I can get things booked!!

However, I have no idea when the proposal is coming. Hopefully soon. My ears are always listening for clues!


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4247 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
Undefinabl3
♀ 36883
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 2:46 PM, May 7th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When DH and I got married, we didnt have very much money at all - so we had a very small ceremony and the rings were bought at Walmart (love the band though, will never not wear that).

Anyway - even married i get giddy when I hear him say that he wants to get me a 'real' wedding ring, and has even started to be ok with doing a hand fasting ceremony for a type of vow renewal deal.

Its not just you, and its not just you dating gals....


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit
Phone Find 11/21/14 - I can't even right now.

Posts: 1833 | Registered: Sep 2012
Spirit13
♀ 31758
Member # 31758
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well just circling back to this topic - my two year dating anniversary was this last weekend and

he forgot.


So much for that!


Men were deceivers ever; one foot in sea and one on shore, to one thing constant never.

Posts: 620 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: Midwest
Exit Wounds
♀ 32811
Member # 32811
Default  Posted: 3:39 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Spirit,
my 4 year anniversary came and he has backtracked from...let't move in and get married to "I am not ever going to get married again"

Fuck him, dump him and move on. I have wasted FOUR years of MY life trusting his lies. Don't waste your time like I did mine.
Sorry, rant over. But I mean every word I wrote.

[This message edited by Exit Wounds at 3:40 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 2486 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: With my dad...and my dog...
little turtle
♀ 15584
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 5:41 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess he really didn't have a clue.


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4247 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
Spirit13
♀ 31758
Member # 31758
Default  Posted: 8:33 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, it's pretty consistent for him. I kind of felt when he gave me that "oh I knew it was coming..." line that it was probably BS.

I wasn't expecting a big celebration, I had just hoped for a card and for him to at least remember it. I bought him a card but when it was clear he forgot (when I mentioned it to him) I didn't bother to give it to him. I could tell he felt badly, but that doesn't really make it ok.

My birthday is coming in a few weeks and he mentioned to me a couple times now about how he has already thought about what he is going to do, etc. etc. So we will see if that is true or if he is just blowing smoke again.

He's a good guy but he really sucks with gifts, celebrations

I don't want to make excuses for him. It's a shortcoming for sure.


Men were deceivers ever; one foot in sea and one on shore, to one thing constant never.

Posts: 620 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: Midwest
little turtle
♀ 15584
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 8:51 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You should have given him your card. I hope he does something great for your birthday. Especially since he is already talking about it!


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4247 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
Topic Posts: 13

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