Forum Archives

Return to Forum List

What makes you trigger?

You are not logged in. Login here or register.

Pages: 1 · 2

BrokenSpirit50 posted 5/6/2013 20:20 PM

I was watching an episode of Seinfeld and it was one where George was seeing a woman for a month or so and wanted to break up and didn't know how to tell her. I believe it was Jerry that said "Rip it off like a band aid"

Well when my XWH was living with me while preparing to move out with OW she told him to just "rip it off like a band aid". Cold Beotch! My XWH told OW he knew me best and that is not how to handle it with me. (should I feel honored?) Argh! That line sent me over the edge.

Anyone else have any weird triggers?

PhoenixRisen posted 5/6/2013 20:32 PM

yes.. weird things
Ex was manipulatively abusive (NPD) so tiny little things that I had done wrong and was punished for will now make me sad if I see them.

like apples.

I once bought the wrong type of apples.

Something you shouldn't do if you have an NPD spouse.

I'm safe now... but shopping triggers... almost paralyzes me.
I'm working through it!

little turtle posted 5/6/2013 20:35 PM

There is a scent that reminds me of OW every time I smell it. When XH came home from with her, he smelled like it. That was how I always knew he was there. I tried to use it myself (got hand sanitizer and shower gel of it from bath & body), but it didn't work. I still think of her. It's annoying, but whatever.

There are a few songs that take me back to the past as well. Nothing that ruins my day or anything though. It gets better with time.

courageous posted 5/6/2013 20:36 PM

I'm a year out and there are some things that still really trigger me:

The phrase "baawwwaaaahhhhhh". It was something mow wrote to exwh during the A.

The city she lives in upset me. I have driven around it numerous times instead of going thru it.

I'm super sensitive in my NB. If I feel like the exw was/is being defended over me I think the relationship might suffer enough to be over. Exwh protected and defended the mow over me the entire A and false R.

I trigger when I see bath and body works in the shower. The strange thing is my bath and body works doesn't effect me.,.its when I see it where I'm not expecting it. The mistress has been keeping her's in what use to be my martial home.

Eta to correct spelling.. I think my brain has stopped working.

[This message edited by courageous at 8:38 PM, May 6th (Monday)]

persevere posted 5/6/2013 22:48 PM

I'm still close to my stepdaughter-age 20 (XWH's daughter).

My dear SD keeps in touch, which I'm so blessed for, but I trigger when she talks about him. It's typically not flattering, because she doesn't think much of him or his "new life", but even hearing any details triggers me, which I try very hard to hide from her. She told me this week that he bought a house in Cabo - buying a house in Mexico was our AYFKM???

After those occasional calls it's hard....though I would never sacrifice that relationship. She's just too special.

[This message edited by persevere at 10:50 PM, May 6th (Monday)]

CharlieFoxtrot posted 5/6/2013 22:57 PM


He was the NPD type that loved disarray, loved being unorganized, and thrived on messing everything up (for instance, several hard drives with one or two things on them, constant drama, and trails of his clutter through the entire house). I have become quite OCD about my home and my *stuff* in my NB. It gives me peace to have order! Kind of the opposite of Julia Roberts in "Sleeping With the Enemy."

iamasurvivor posted 5/6/2013 23:18 PM

I trigger when I hear certain songs or if I hear one of the groups he loved.

So now I listen to country music since he would never listen to it and I actually have grown to really love it and have gone to a few concerts. We only would go to the groups that he liked! So now I am going and enjoying myself!

soverybetrayed posted 5/6/2013 23:49 PM

I had my first trigger a few weeks ago when I was in Bed,Bath an Beyond. I saw the two paintings I got him our last Christmas together and suddenly had tears rolling down my eyes. I had read about triggers but had never had one so I was shocked to find tears rolling down my face. I had to leave but I will go back and reclaim that store fore myself. So far that has been my only trigger.

survivor_kh posted 5/7/2013 01:47 AM

Shakira. OW loved her some Shakira. Now I think "Screw you, Shakira. You know who listens to your music? Whores."

On a deeper level, being around belligerently drunk people sets me off. I just completely shut down, and want to put my fist through a wall.

dindy posted 5/7/2013 03:12 AM

I am just 3.5 months out since DD. songs that he shared with her make me trigger so I do not listen to any of them now. I'm sure they had a special song by Nina Simone that was theirs, I listened to it the other day and it was about how he loved her more than anyone else and one day they would be together. Of course it sent me over the edge, even though he denies it was their song.
Before I found out about the affair we used to take our small children to a children's science museum. One time we were there I caught him texting someone who he claims was just a work thing. I now know he was texting her and I can never go back to that place again, it's too painful. He still takes our children there, pos!
I know my birthday this year is going to trigger me as last year he sent a picture of himself to her and to top it off didn't even buy me a present.
I know it's still early days and I'm looking forward to a time that I can feel more at peace and not trigger so much.

jennie160 posted 5/7/2013 09:27 AM

Ex was manipulatively abusive (NPD) so tiny little things that I had done wrong and was punished for will now make me sad if I see them.


There is a grocery store that I can't go to (even though it is the closest to my house) because he threatened me in the produce section.

I can't go to Dillards because we had a big fight in one. And by big fight I mean, he called me names and put me down while I stood quietly taking it, all because I couldn't find anything I wanted to buy.

There is a song I can't listen to because it takes me back to our first date. I also hate all things Metallica because it was his favorite band.

I don't think I have as many triggers as I would if I didn't have PTSD, my mind has blocked a lot of memories from when I was married.

Spirit13 posted 5/7/2013 09:58 AM

Any time my SO tidies up or moves my stuff...

I used to travel a lot and my husband would have prostitutes over to our house when I was gone. He would remove all the evidence of "me" from our bedroom and put it in my closet and close the door. My clothes basket, my books, glasses etc. He would of course leave all his shit out. Then when I would get home he would be all "Look Honey - I straightened up! Why aren't you thanking me?"

survivor_kh posted 5/7/2013 15:39 PM

I don't think I have as many triggers as I would if I didn't have PTSD, my mind has blocked a lot of memories from when I was married.

I feel the same way. I don't recognize as many triggers as I did immediately post DDay. I feel numb to a lot of it.

lieshurt posted 5/7/2013 15:48 PM

I only trigger when I detect somebody is lying to me.

willowiris posted 5/7/2013 16:00 PM

Lying. If I know someone is lying, I don't just walk away. I will call them a liar to their face. i don't want them in my life anymore anyway, if they lie. I'm saying something. I will further list the proof I have that they are lying.

Also, feeling alone/abandoned, with no one to call and share stuff with.

kernel posted 5/7/2013 17:54 PM

Coming home to an empty house after dark still gets me now and then. I cannot watch shows or movies when cheating is involved, even in books it bugs me. This is getting a little better, but it's still there. The word "epiphany" is one - makes me mad even typing it. Not a whole lot, really, but it's been 3+ years since D-day.

ManBearDivorce posted 5/7/2013 20:58 PM

I am great until I see my kids lust after someone who stabbed me. They cry out for their mother and it hurts me to some degree that they still love someone so conniving. It is getting better for me because they love spending time with me a lot more now.

persevere posted 5/7/2013 23:13 PM

I thought about this thread at the grocery store today. There are still certain things I won't buy because it reminds me of him. It's kind of odd really, and certain TV shows still do it too....

capri posted 5/8/2013 08:48 AM

The triggers are slowly fading. It's been 8 years and a couple of months since I first found ow3's e-mails with him, and up until recently, driving past ambulances would make me cringe. They work at a hospital and she had a terrible reputation for sleeping with married men, and somewhere along the line, one of the stories must have involved a couple of ambulance drivers or EMTs, so that for years when I passed an ambulance from that hospital, I'd glance at the driver and wonder if he was one of them man-sluts that slept with her/ that she slept with.

Come to think of it, I haven't even registered ambulances in a month or two! This is good news.

nofool4u posted 5/8/2013 09:55 AM

Being divorced, I have no more triggers. To me the only way to truly get rid of triggers or pain was to get rid of the source...the now xWW

Now that isn't to be confused with things popping in my head, or my dislike of cheaters. Difference is the thoughts, if they just pop in there, no longer hurt because she is no longer significant.

Pages: 1 · 2

Return to Forum List

© 2002-2018 ®. All Rights Reserved.