I met my X while living in a large meditation center where the idea of a spiritual marriage was discussed. I lived there 10 years and I got married there. I just reconnected with a couple we shared that meditation center life with, who got married two years after we did, it was their 20th anniversary.
I had to let them know I was divorced. I said it matter of factly. No looking down or voice waivering. Hah! I am getting better at this.
She was in the flush of her anniversary celebration I guess because she chatted on with me about having a spiritual marriage and the details of how they met and all the intuitive guidance she had that it was right for them to marry. I felt a bit odd given that my 'spiritual marriage' had failed, that I had similar guidance and thoughts before I married too.
I had my moments alone today about feeling bad about all this. But after 5 years of crying over this mess, I can only put up with feeling bad about it for 5-10 minutes and then I am done. It gets old.
I guess I will not look at my marriage as a failure, just that I learned my spiritual lessons in 17 years. That my enlightenment was about something other than a lifelong marital experience. It was about how I did the best I could, made the best decision I could, that I loved whole-heartedly and I am glad I did for my sake, and in the end my self-realization is about deserving to be treated better and with more consideration.