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Newest Member: 69lake (61503)

User Topic: Are we in R? I think we are..
♀ 38815
Member # 38815
Default  Posted: 3:13 AM, May 7th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As I was logging onto SI today I was attracted to a subject heading in the RECONCILIATION forum. I started looking through some of the posts in that section and alot of them resonated with me.

I hadn't even considered posting there as it hadn't occured to me that maybe I'm in Reconciliation right now. I guess, more than anything, I identify myself as a WW/WS and that's the label I've given myself and the badge I wear hence feeling comfortable posting in Wayward Side.

This is further confounded by still having days of feeling low and triggering. Reminders of AP seem to be everywhere, or is it just that I'm feeling low and vulnerable so I'm noticing them more?

Anyone know what I'm talking about? Have you been here?

I still don't have "indifferent" feelings towards xAP. When will they come????

I guess I am in R, but because it's so hard and blurry, confusing and anxiety provoking, I don't seem to recognise that my H and I HAVE started a journey of R.. albeit in a very very early stage.. nonetheless, it's started.

Posts: 362 | Registered: Mar 2013
♂ 26859
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 6:33 AM, May 7th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Even if you are in R, there is no guarantee that R means the M will survive. It is a work in progress. Don't feel pressured to post in the Recon forum just to confirm that you are in R. There are some WS's who do post in there a lot, I have posted in there from time to time, but like you, I'm much more comfortable, even now, posting here in the Wayward forum. You can be in R and still post in here.

The indifferent feelings will come, and it will be dependent on the amount of effort you put into healing yourself and R. It can take a while.

You're still quite new to all of this. Don't push yourself beyond what you are able to handle just because of a title. R isn't just one step that you suddenly take.

WH - 46 (crap...)
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6114 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Tri-Cities
♀ 35812
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 7:26 PM, May 9th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FWIT, I think that you might be better served staying in this forum for a while and taking advantage of all of the experience folks here. Take your time, post here often, and keep reading. Just as an example, as a BS I can guarantee that if you're still having feelings for your AP, you should stay here where the only people who can swing a big stick are the WSs. Had I, in my earlier days, had a WS post on the R forum that they were still having feelings for their AP, that conversation would have gone south very quickly and there likely would have been many more BSs that would have piled on. Take full advantage of this safe but honest place for now, eh?

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 10058 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
♀ 16024
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 8:18 PM, May 9th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

***Posting as a member***


R is a really good place to post when you're working toward reconciling and are still confused about a lot of things. You'll get great feedback from WSs and BSs, with the focus on R. And if that's your goal it is very helpful.

Some of my best feedback was from the R forum early on. A couple of gentle (and not so gentle) 2x4s were exactly what I needed at certain times.

It's good that you're looking in that direction. Post where you're comfortable. You'll get good support all over SI!


"If you want to know who your tribe is, speak your truth, then see who sticks around. Those are the people who get a spot in your blanket fort." -Nanea Hoffman

Posts: 55123 | Registered: Sep 2007
♀ 29130
Member # 29130
Default  Posted: 8:52 PM, May 9th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IMO what you are feeling is normal as you start the journey.

Post where you feel comfortable.

Me: BW Him: who cares
Divorced: 4/2015
2 DDs and DSs all under 10
Who knows how many affairs at this point
Multiple D-Days

I can only control myself, no one else. I do not have that kind of power.

Posts: 4722 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Back home again in Indiana
♀ 38815
Member # 38815
Default  Posted: 4:24 AM, May 10th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For now I feel safe here. I think I'll know when it's the right time to go into the R section..

Nothing to stop me from reading R section though.


Posts: 362 | Registered: Mar 2013
Topic Posts: 6

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