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Newest Member: Tigress5455 (45753)

User Topic: Affairing down?!
stillsad1970
♀ 38977
Member # 38977
Default  Posted: 6:59 AM, May 7th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What do you do if the OW is married?they say the WS affairs down.

Posts: 78 | Registered: Apr 2013
FightingChance
♀ 34740
Member # 34740
Default  Posted: 7:10 AM, May 7th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH was in a LTA with a MOW. I've seen a few pictures, she isn't extremely ugly, but neither is she attractive. My WH affaired down FROM me because quite honestly, I am well-educated, pretty, kind, generous, a good mother, have moral standards and quite frankly, while I'm not perfect, I am so far the opposite of the MOW who was on her 4th marriage, worked minimum wage jobs, had her body covered in tattoos and piercings (nothing wrong with that, but again, opposite of me) and who had cheated in every single one of her relationships and took her daughter along with her on her dates with my husband.

I don't know if he affaired down from himself though...in my mind, I might have married down. Harsh but true.


D-Day#1 - Dec. 8, 2011 - found the receipt
D-Day#2 - Dec. 28, 2011 - found the phone logs
D-Day#3 - Jan. 6, 2012 - admitted to PA
3 amazing sons - 13DS, 13SS, 11SS
in R

Posts: 762 | Registered: Feb 2012
tushnurse
♀ 21101
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 8:09 AM, May 7th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Being Married does not keep them from "Affairing Down" this just means they frequently choose an AP that is not nearly the quality of person their spouse is.
This can go from looks, to finances, to smarts, to morals.

In my case I would say he A'd down because even though she was wealthy, and good looking and had a nice little trust fund, she was a sick manipulative individual who was happy to cheat on her spouse over and over and over. She was a WACK Job.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8798 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
RyeBread
♂ 37437
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 9:51 AM, May 7th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

From a different perspective...my WW is the OW to a MOM. She is attractive, smart, and fun to be around. HOWEVER!!!!...she is a train wreck in the emotional maturity department. She likes to view herself as a victim, blames everyone else for her poor choices, has a prescription drug dependancy, and takes zero responsibility for herself. From the outside looking in she is great. But living with her is a nightmare. Hence we are divorcing.

If you haven't already you may consider approaching this OW's betrayed husband. If he doesn't know of the A he should probably be told. Just something to think about.


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 1030 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
catlover50
♀ 37154
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 10:05 AM, May 7th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My fWH has actually evolved enough to comment that he may have been attracted to the OW's insecurity, since he was hiding insecurity himself. Normally, IRL, he likes strong, independent women (like me!).

Course he "chose" her because she made herself available. Said he wouldn't have dated her if he was single and if he had gone out looking felt like he could have done better. She was convenient.

Until the "crazy" came out to play, then there was years of hell to pay.

Oh well, you play, you pay!



Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
Tripletrouble
♀ 39169
Member # 39169
Default  Posted: 4:27 PM, May 10th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I still can't wrap my mind around being tossed over for a bunch of AFF skanks.


40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013

Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller


Posts: 638 | Registered: May 2013
libertyrocks
♀ 38924
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 4:42 PM, May 10th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

From what MC says, they chose those of lesser quality than their SO, to build up THEIR self esteems, has nothing to do with us. I was shocked, upset, hurt, and jealous that I wasn't some ghetto loser like the OW my H chose. At that point in their lives, they couldn't get a gem like all of us BS's.

[This message edited by libertyrocks at 4:42 PM, May 10th (Friday)]


Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,Recovering Alcoholic, M6yrs T13. Boys 2 & 4 1/2.
DDay #1 Nov,2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan,2014
Filed for D Feb,2014.

Posts: 962 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
NoraLee
♀ 37922
Member # 37922
Default  Posted: 5:04 PM, May 10th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The MOW was attracted to your WH because she recognized he was a broken man with no moral character - that is affairing down. Why else would someone risk losing a loyal devoted spouse? It's easier to recognize when the AP is ugly, or a bum, or a drug addict. But there's many factors to consider when looking at the "affairing down" equation.

In my sitch...

The man that had the EA with his drug-addicted, mentally ill, uneducated, low-class, tattooed whore is not the man I married NOR a man who is in my league. Anyone who found that appealing, would not be in my sight line for a date let alone a relationship. As I explained to H. You meet a woman - she's attractive, and funny - then you learn she used to fuck goats. Would you pursue her? He laughed and replied no. I said - COW is a goat in my eyes - she is sooo far beneath me - so how can I respect you? Theres obviously something very wrong with YOU that you wanted to risk US for that broken piece of shit. If he had remained that man - I would've hightailed it out of here. But that broken creature is gone and no one else is going to have the man my H has become.

So yes - MOW affaired down as did your WH. Hopefully, he's becoming the man who deserves to be with a loving woman like you!!!


Me - BW - 44
Him - FWH - 42
Married 16 years
D day - 1/2 truth - July 2012
Full disclosure - August 2012
EA with skanky waitress coworker
3 kids - 14, 16, 21
In R

Posts: 791 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 8

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