I can tell there are things he's still hiding but I don't know if I want to know. Part of me feels I deserve that and the other part is just so scared.
I just don't know what to do right now.
I cannot see any hope in R, I am truly shattered.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
If he has no incentive to change, then what makes you think he will? What do you want to do about it? Or do you just prefer to do nothing?
Have you considered drawing a bottom line? Like, if he cheats or engages in ANY A-like behavior, he has to leave the house. A home with children is no place for emotional abusers, which is what a WS is doing to you by having affairs.
Then, if he continues, he has obviously assigned a higher value to his AP(s) than to his own family unit.
At least then you'd know, and this hell could finally start to come to an end. Think of it that way. May not be the outcome your wishing for or dreaming of, but it's better than hell. That, I can assure you.
I didn't really understand the comment that I'm not doing anything.
No one deserves to be lied to, strung along, cheated on. It is good to hear you are in counseling.
Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, pack your shit and get out.
Fool me once - Shame on you. Fool me twice - pack your shit and get out.
If you fear the answer, you need to ask your question.
If you fear he'll lie if you ask, you need to give him the chance to tell the truth, and you need to hit him with serious sanctions if he lies.
Accepting his lies is terrible for you and could be just as bad for your kids, who learn how to live from you.
My ws and I seem to be doing okay, heading in the right direction and then she decides to answer a question I pose instead of shutting down, and it sends me back to hell. I give up. I guess I am one of those that doesn't need all the details and I need to stop torturing myself asking about them.