I am thinking I need counseling again. I am getting really insecure in this relationship, and he has done nothing to warrant it.
He tells me he loves me 10 times a day. He puts me first. He has talked about how he would like to see a ring on my finger in the future (about a year or so from now). Taking it slow but heading in a pretty serious direction.....
So every time he does something unexpected it is triggering me and my mind goes to the negative. Yesterday he was working on a project at school that was supposed to take 1 to 2 hours. After 2 1/2 hours, I called and they were only half done. I was so uncomfortable until he got finished and was heading home. And the places that my mind went were stupid crazy. "He is flirting with the female member of his group. He is trying to get to know her and form a bond with her." And today, we were talking and a new female came and stood close to us, and he glanced at her a few times. Here is what went through my mind (this is so embarrassing and I know not healthy, no 2x4's please, I know I need some counseling for my PTSD again)....I was thinking...."she is cute, she is young, he is wishing he could talk to her and get to know her and date her"
I wasn't insecure with XSO. We had our issues but feeling insecure wasn't one of them. I don't understand this and it is an uncomfortable feeling for me. I feel like a nutcase. *sigh*
I don't know...maybe it is because I AM somewhat serious about this one and I do really love him. I couldn't picture a future with him when we were just friends, but he wants one with me and he is so good to me I am starting to want it also.
He is self-conscious about his early hair loss. He has male pattern baldness on the crown of his head. So he is trying a hair treatment to see if he can grow it back. It has bothered him for 15 years but he is just now doing something about it, so my mind is going "he wants to look young and attractive now so he can find someone else."
I KNOW this is not true. I KNOW this is remnants of the crap I went thru with WS. I did really love him too at one point, and I trusted him completely. I also KNOW I need to work thru this. The one good thing is new guy is incredibly patient with me and prefers me to talk about my feelings and insecurities...he talks them thru, he talks about his also, and we can share in very important ways to help reassure each other....he has had a few episodes of insecurity also and we have talked about those.
I just hate having these thoughts. I know better, but can't seem to stop them. And even though he is wonderful talking this stuff through, I don't want to overload him with it so I am not taking all this to him, I am coming to you guys... I know others here have had them. How did you deal with this kind of craziness?
[This message edited by NaiveAgain at 11:32 AM, May 7th (Tuesday)]