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Newest Member: MoggieMay (56360)

User Topic: Stuck?
♀ 39109
Member # 39109
Default  Posted: 8:23 AM, May 8th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi my new friends,
I know this sounds awful, but something just zapped me back to reality the other day. I was telling you that I planned (and paid for) a vacation last month for this month, so I can't get out of it!
What I failed to tell you all is that in October, I am going alone to India for two weeks. I worked over a year to save money for this spiritual trip, and since Passports and Visa's are required, I had to plan it early. In other words...I am stuck with my husband until I can build up my bank account once more. I am stuck, I fear! My spouse never gives me cash, so I rely on one credit card. He always gets the bill before I can, so he would know if I went to a lawyer. Any ideas at all about what I could do would be so appreciated. Once again I need your help...Thank you so much...LitlRed5

Posts: 5 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Arizona
♀ 39044
Member # 39044
Default  Posted: 8:47 AM, May 8th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know for my area we have legal aid. It is based on your income alone I believe, but you'd have to check with your area. I also would like to say for me counseling has helped a ton. I thankfully got into it within a week of Dday and am able to go twice a week, what a great thing!!! Good luck (((hugs to you)))

Me BS 37
Him 47
OW 32
Together 12 years
D-Day was told it was EA 4/11/2013 found out it was PA 4/21/2013 :( I am broken
1 son (9)
3 kids from previous (19,17,16)
His kids from previous 2 (17, 15)

Posts: 74 | Registered: Apr 2013
♂ 14866
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 9:14 AM, May 8th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You might could try talking to a women's shelter especially if you are afraid he might react violently if he found out you were going to see or have seen a lawyer.


Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.

Posts: 54369 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
♀ 25001
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, May 8th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am stuck, I fear! My spouse never gives me cash, so I rely on one credit card. He always gets the bill before I can, so he would know if I went to a lawyer.

I can relate to ^^^^this!

Look into a post office box and have all your mail sent to the box. Keep all of your personal records in a bank's safe deposit box if you can afford it or see if there is some one you trust that can hold to the records/papers for you.

Most lawyers have free initial consultations. I called one lawyer back in 2010 (I was hoping to be working by now) and when I made the appointment they asked my name. I asked them if I could just give them my first name and hold off on my last name until the day of the appointment and they were fine with that. I also asked that they not call the house because I wasn't sure what would happen if he found out I called a lawyer, they were fine with that also.

Good Luck


[This message edited by simplydevastated at 9:23 AM, May 8th (Wednesday)]

Me - BS, 40 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS11, DD8
Getting my ducks in a row for divorce... finally (4+ D-Days too many - listed in profile.)

Posts: 6116 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
♀ 38597
Member # 38597
Default  Posted: 10:25 AM, May 8th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would agree to contacting legal aid or even a woman's shelter. To not have any access to money is not right!!

I do understand the feeling of being stuck. I'm lucky that SAWH has been helpful. We have split the income evenly, though I have to keep all mine in cash because I don't have a bank account. I went to open one up, but since I don't have a license, I didn't have the proper id. So now my next step is to get an id card. I know it feels overwhelming, but just keep thinking of the next step, try not to think about the next 20!

DDay Feb. 28, 2013
"It is an act of self-respect and preservation to not forgive."

Posts: 967 | Registered: Mar 2013
♀ 33559
Member # 33559
Default  Posted: 10:38 AM, May 8th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you use the card at the grocery store it should give you the option of getting cash back and I don't think the cash part would show up on the records. Maybe you could add a few extra dollars to each purchase and stash that away as an emergency fund? Or just decide you're entitled to take care of yourself and go do it knowing that he's going to see the purchase. There's no law that says you have to play by his rules.

BW--Me, 59
FWH--Him, 61
Married 37 years
Empty Nesters

Posts: 647 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Midwest
♀ 38421
Member # 38421
Default  Posted: 10:42 AM, May 8th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your county should have a family or women's center where folks can go for help, counseling, attorney referrals. Ours has one that is based on income. They help women who are in abuse situations get out &get attorneys & set up new living arrangements. Also, is there any way to get extra cash when you pay with your card & stick that back? Ask some friends/family to pool together funds & help you with money to file?

Me: BS 53 Him: WH 51
M: 28 years
DDay 1 1986 EA Confessed,Rugswept
DDay 2 11/25/2012 EA/PA Caught
TT 9/9/13 Lies,Pictures
In R
OW:20 yrs younger M-CwOW

Posts: 228 | Registered: Feb 2013
♀ 39139
Member # 39139
Default  Posted: 12:07 PM, May 8th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My bank statement always shows the purchase amount AND the cash back amount.

Me: BS 46
Him: unimportant
D Day:4-27-13
DIVORCED!!! 2-20-14

Posts: 978 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: BFE
Topic Posts: 8

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