SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

LitlRed5 posted 5/8/2013 08:23 AM

Hi my new friends,
I know this sounds awful, but something just zapped me back to reality the other day. I was telling you that I planned (and paid for) a vacation last month for this month, so I can't get out of it!
What I failed to tell you all is that in October, I am going alone to India for two weeks. I worked over a year to save money for this spiritual trip, and since Passports and Visa's are required, I had to plan it early. In other words...I am stuck with my husband until I can build up my bank account once more. I am stuck, I fear! My spouse never gives me cash, so I rely on one credit card. He always gets the bill before I can, so he would know if I went to a lawyer. Any ideas at all about what I could do would be so appreciated. Once again I need your help...Thank you so much...LitlRed5

HelpMe123 posted 5/8/2013 08:47 AM

I know for my area we have legal aid. It is based on your income alone I believe, but you'd have to check with your area. I also would like to say for me counseling has helped a ton. I thankfully got into it within a week of Dday and am able to go twice a week, what a great thing!!! Good luck (((hugs to you)))

MovingUpward posted 5/8/2013 09:14 AM

You might could try talking to a women's shelter especially if you are afraid he might react violently if he found out you were going to see or have seen a lawyer.

simplydevastated posted 5/8/2013 09:22 AM

I am stuck, I fear! My spouse never gives me cash, so I rely on one credit card. He always gets the bill before I can, so he would know if I went to a lawyer.

I can relate to ^^^^this!

Look into a post office box and have all your mail sent to the box. Keep all of your personal records in a bank's safe deposit box if you can afford it or see if there is some one you trust that can hold to the records/papers for you.

Most lawyers have free initial consultations. I called one lawyer back in 2010 (I was hoping to be working by now) and when I made the appointment they asked my name. I asked them if I could just give them my first name and hold off on my last name until the day of the appointment and they were fine with that. I also asked that they not call the house because I wasn't sure what would happen if he found out I called a lawyer, they were fine with that also.

Good Luck

(((HUGS)))

[This message edited by simplydevastated at 9:23 AM, May 8th (Wednesday)]

sadone29 posted 5/8/2013 10:25 AM

I would agree to contacting legal aid or even a woman's shelter. To not have any access to money is not right!!

I do understand the feeling of being stuck. I'm lucky that SAWH has been helpful. We have split the income evenly, though I have to keep all mine in cash because I don't have a bank account. I went to open one up, but since I don't have a license, I didn't have the proper id. So now my next step is to get an id card. I know it feels overwhelming, but just keep thinking of the next step, try not to think about the next 20!

PeaceLove187 posted 5/8/2013 10:38 AM

If you use the card at the grocery store it should give you the option of getting cash back and I don't think the cash part would show up on the records. Maybe you could add a few extra dollars to each purchase and stash that away as an emergency fund? Or just decide you're entitled to take care of yourself and go do it knowing that he's going to see the purchase. There's no law that says you have to play by his rules.

undonelife posted 5/8/2013 10:42 AM

Your county should have a family or women's center where folks can go for help, counseling, attorney referrals. Ours has one that is based on income. They help women who are in abuse situations get out &get attorneys & set up new living arrangements. Also, is there any way to get extra cash when you pay with your card & stick that back? Ask some friends/family to pool together funds & help you with money to file?

WeepingBuddhist posted 5/8/2013 12:07 PM

My bank statement always shows the purchase amount AND the cash back amount.