Argh. Hi everyone, I'm back after a long hiatus where I thought my relationship with my DH was pretty well mended and moving forward in a positive fashion. Guess that wasn't how he thought it was going.
I began to grow suspicious in March. He would be more secretive and disappear to other rooms in the house for long periods of time...talking to her. Granted, this time it was a long-distance affair as she lives in FL and it was limited to calls, texts, messages which became more and more sexually explicit.
He told me she initiated contact, that of course, it started out completely innocent and platonic. Do I believe this? Not sure. When I knew who she was and everytime he or his friends talked about her, it was that she was a conniving whore. So, whatever, then he told me she began to tell him she liked him all along, had fantasies about him, wanted to be with him, blah. He claims he told her that couldn't happen as he was married to me and we had two children together. Notice he didn't say, how he loved his wife and wanted to be with me. So...supposedly, she threatened to tell me about the sexually explicit conversations and start trouble with us ("so I would divorce him") and that is the reason why he continued talking to her though he said he knew it was wrong. I'm calling crap but from what I heard about her, this could possibly be true. Anyway, he went through great lengths to hide his deceit and lied to my face. They even had a nice long conversation on the phone and many texts to and from on the day of our one year wedding anniversary!!!! wtf?! He said that she got upset and pissed when he told her that he was taking me, his wife, out for dinner that night for our anniversary. Oh and while this was all going on, I was having medical problems and some PTSD related issues and he sat me down and said "you can trust me, tell me what is hurting you, tell me what is causing you this pain." Mind you, the PTSD stems from a horribly abusive relationship and a matter relating to it, happens to be ALL OVER THE NEWS right now, hence the flashbacks/issues I was having at the time!! So I broke down and told him my deepest darkest secrets about that time. Things I never wanted any other human to know that had happened to me. I trusted him. He was my husband and I felt after 8 1/2 years of struggling to build a solid relationship, I could tell him. What a schmuck I was! He was so stupid. Oh one other thing. The Friday before DDay2 he was pissed at me and badgering me about talking to a male friend (yes, this friend is an old, OLD ex of mine - from high school!) of mine (it was a completely platonic conversation, regarding him buying a specific car and I chatted with his mother)! He said he had been having nightmares that I would leave him for that guy. This cemented it for me. I started digging and found out about the whore.
Now he says he wants to make it work. He will change and be a better man for me and our family. I can't believe him or trust him. I don't think I ever will. My emotions are ALL over the place. Right now, all I want is a divorce and him gone but I don't want to hurt our boys and deep down, I do still love him. I feel so torn, so betrayed. UGH! Thanks for listening! BW (me) 31
DS1 8 yrs.
DS2 1 yr.
presently working towards...well i don't know anymore...