Should i walk away or fight for her to stay with me?
I want you to take out every "I" in your post and replace it with "she" or "her."
This isn't about you for the moment. You have destroyed her heart and trust. Yes, you get to have feelings and it IS scary to think that because of your tripping down the wrong path ("mistake" can be a hurtful and insulting word to someone who has just been destroyed from the inside) that you may lose her forever.
If you love her, if you're truly remorseful, you will put most of your focus on HER needs right now. The other energy gets dedicated to digging deep and discovering the brokenness inside of you that allowed you do this, and how to fix that part of your mind and heart through constant behavioral analysis and modification.
It's good that you're here. Posting in Wayward will put you in the company of people who have been in your shoes and can teach you how to heal this the right way.
Me: BW 35
Crazz: WH 33
Daughter: 4.5 Going on 16
You might find some insight and help in the wayward forum, right below this one. The people there have walked in your shoes and have worked hard to better themselves.
Welcome to SI, you are in a place where you will get the help you so desire.
Your AP was a family friend so you also need to realize that your wife was double betrayed and double hurt.
I think my first piece of advice to you will be full disclosure. Any and all acts of betrayal need to be come out now, not later. You will find the acronym TT here quite a bit. It means "trickle truth." Don't minimize anything, don't hide anything. True open and honest communication is what you need now... and forever. It's what our relationships should have always been built on.
Second, you need to immediately initiate NC (no contact) with the OW. If there is any chance she will attempt to contact you you might want to write a simply "Don't contact me ever" type note. 1-3 sentences is all that is needed. If she does contact you. Don't respond and tell your wife.
Read through the Wayward Forum and though the articles in the healing library. You will find this and many more suggestions there.
What defines us is how well we rise after falling.
like Jrazz said, the brokenness inside of you let you cheat, not communication breakdowns in the marriage. Take responsibility for your actions, and really find out why you did it.
You need to really dig deep into what inside of you gave you permission to cheat. Work hard to regain her trust through actions, and make yourself a safe person for her, because right now she most likely does not feel feel safe with you, or trust you at all. I believe that is why she is shutting you off from her. It is her way to protect herself from you.
What actions are you doing right now to help your wife?
Keep posting and reading here.
Separated transitioning to D
Are you in IC (idividual consuling)?
Have you read any books?
Spending more time with your wife and being transparent are all good things, but you also need to get to the root of the problem.
[This message edited by JKL Vikings at 10:51 AM, May 9th (Thursday)]