SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

WWMEH13 posted 5/8/2013 13:59 PM

I TT'd for about 3 weeks, mostly because the other BS and my H were in contact with each other and our stories were not adding up. He finally asked me when the lies would end. I just said at what point do details matter now that you know the full extent of the relationship and how deplorably I behaved.

Our MC asked if he wanted a 1 time sit down brutally honest question and answer session, and he said no, that he doesn't really want or need to know anymore.

We (I) still haven't decided fully on R, but if we do, should I volunteer the last unknown tawdry and painful details, or honor his request not to know anymore, unless he asks?

Is full disclosure necessary?

floridaredman posted 5/8/2013 14:05 PM

honor his request not to know anymore, unless he asks

^^^^this^^^^

You can write out a detailed timeline if you wish and have it ready. If he doesn't want the timeline, at least you will have an outline of the affair with details.

WWMEH13 posted 5/8/2013 14:09 PM

I just want to make sure that it doesn't become rug sweeping, by not telling him, or talking about the A anymore.

I see sometimes when we hang out that something I say triggers him, but he won't talk about it. Should I ask, or should he bring it up?

floridaredman posted 5/8/2013 14:22 PM

You can always ask. You will be proactive if you do. Most BS like the idea that you are being proactive and focusing on them as well as yourself.
If he doesn't prefer to talk about it then let it go.

If something triggers him and you notice..there is nothing wrong with asking if he has triggered. It also gives room to apologize to him by just taking his hand and saying "I'm sorry that we are going through this"

[This message edited by floridaredman at 2:22 PM, May 8th (Wednesday)]

Unagie posted 5/8/2013 14:57 PM

Funny I was just talking to one of my friends here about this. The details are eating me alive this week because I keep reliving them but my SO has told me he doesn't want to know anymore. If I remember anything else if there is anything else unless its another A he doesn't care to know. It can be hell but I respect his wishes. I do have them if he ever wants them.

Writing them down and keeping a timeline for him just in case he changes his mind is a good idea.

WWMEH13 posted 5/8/2013 15:01 PM

Thanks Florida and Unagie. I do relive the details, and I feel dirty about what he doesn't know, and because he has indicated in the past that he didn't want to know more, I haven't brought the A up. Plus, since I don't know what the hell I am doing in regards to staying in the marriage, I have sort of left the topic alone. We try to keep our dates 'light'.