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Newest Member: jaxonraine (61774)

User Topic: Why do I want to be in this marriage and what is my plan?
♂ 36479
Member # 36479
Default  Posted: 7:55 PM, May 8th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is the question that our marriage counselor asked me. He asked me to tell my bs as to why I want to be in a marriage with her. I answered that I love her, I'm a better person with her, we compliment each other well, I find her beautiful and sexy, I like her humour etc. He said that to think about it again as those are not good reasons. He also asked me to write a plan of how I'm going to win her back and rebuild our relationship.

The above threw me for a loop as I don't really understand coming up with a plan. Has anyone else been asked these questions and come up with better answers? Sorry for asking for advice as I'm lost. I know why I want to be married to her but can't seem to express it and I certainly don't know how to make a plan.

Me (WH - 37)
Her (BS - 35)zayda1
Married 7 years, together for 9
2 children (5 years & 2 years)
Discovery of PA 04/15/12

Posts: 60 | Registered: Aug 2012
♂ 27650
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 8:28 PM, May 8th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I certainly don't know how to make a plan.

1. What things has she said she wants from you or to be different? Commit to doing those things with how and timeline to accomplish.

2. Improve personal communication through reading, ic to work on fears, practice. Describe goals to better understand and empathize with BS, and to share your feelings better.

3. Buy and read 5 Love Languages with BS. Practice speaking in her language.

4. Describe how you will help with family goals, then follow through.

5. Commit to take on some of BS responsibilities so that she has time for her each week to pursue a hobby, socialize with friends, take a class, whatever.

6. Commit to figure out why you had A. Not the surface why, but the ones that explain why you had an A when you were lonely, horny, stressed, admired by AP, whatever.

7. Treatment of any addiction or addictive behaviors.

Well there is a start.

dday 10.5.09

Posts: 4173 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
♀ 34373
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 8:40 PM, May 8th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I didn't see a stop sign soooo....
BS here and just weighing in, I see your reasons and I noticed there is a lot of "I" in there. What do you bring to her in this marriage and what does she bring to you? I am not talking about beer or slippers here, what is the foundation of this relationship and what is the cornerstone that you can rebuild on?
These things should be a part of your why
I like atsenaotie's plan

Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1858 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
Topic Posts: 3

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