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the blessings of infidelity

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jaded_and_lost posted 5/9/2013 08:18 AM

Hello to all,
I haven't been back here in forever and a day, tho every once and a while when someone announces this has happened to them I refer them to this site and feel compelled to pop back on and check in. Not sure who is even here who was here when I was most active 3 or so years ago.

I am thinking of posting to the just found out group to offer support, and will think a little more about that before doing so.

But I wanted to check in to say hi and to express the extreme gratitude I finally feel three full years later after my 2nd husband (of 5 years at that time) walked out within three weeks of my having surgery for GYN skin cancer, for his married co-worker.

I fell down to the degree I never ever thought I'd get back up. But I did.

Three plus years later I am so incredibly happy-more than I ever was in that toxic stepfamily situation where everyone was bleeding me dry and then tossed me when there was nothing left to take from me.

I just finished my second semester of grad school in a marriage and family counseling and therapy program. I just landed a dream assistantship position-full tuition and a stipend. And for the past 1.5 years I have been seeing a wonderful man who loves my daughter and is sweet to all my kids (sons are 19 and 16 now and not really up for bonding in a paternal way but they all get along and like each other. :)

My guy was a friend of mine for 10 years, was supportive as I went thru my divorce. Is divorced twice with NO KIDS (yes!) and is enjoying helping me with DD while I go to grad school and getting to do fatherly type things for the first time in his life. (He was married to a friend of mine before actually, but not a close friend. They divorced amicably about a year before my divorce. And she is very happy for us both. :)

Life is very good. Ex is still with OW, who is still fighting the court's decision on her divorce (4th time she's asking for them to reconsider giving her exH custody.) She and ex are highly entitled, he's likely a narcissist and it is still at times challenging having to deal with him because it's so incredibly contemptuous but that is not at all eating away at any of my joy.

I use the 180 tool from this site to this day to cope with days that I occasionally am still sad about my DD's growing up in two houses, and I especially recommend it to those who are dating. It helped me work through a lot of my fears with my boyfriend without ever really involving him in that process so our relationship wasn't taxed by my baggage.

Much love and light to all who are still struggling, still trying to decide or just finding out their spouse is not at all who they profess to be.

There is life, joy and love after infidelity.

Blessed by to all!

[This message edited by jaded_and_lost at 8:19 AM, May 9th (Thursday)]

lost2012 posted 5/9/2013 17:15 PM

I love your post. It's encouraging, and I actually am beginning to feel the same way! You're just a bit farther ahead. So thank you for the encouragement. wondering about the part you wrote about how the 180 helps to this day. How do you coparent well? I could use some tips. I still harbor some anger. He is engaged to OW only 4 months after D is final.

caregiver9000 posted 5/9/2013 20:42 PM

I remember you!! I am glad to see such positives and encouragement.

and one of my other favorite things from SI... (((cyber hugs)))

okaynow posted 5/10/2013 13:54 PM

I'm so happy for you. Thanks for sharing your happiness with us.

nolight posted 5/10/2013 14:04 PM

Thank you for posting this! Your experience will give allot of much needed hope to many on here. I am so happy for you

luv2swim posted 5/12/2013 05:01 AM

Thank you for posting this. Your resilience shines through in your writing. Pretty cool how you did your graduate degree research before actually enrolling in the MFT program!

Your insights over at JFO will be part of what makes SI so incredibly helpful. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

Dawn58 posted 5/25/2013 11:03 AM

Thank you jaded_and_lost, so good to hear that there is a light on the other side of this horrible tunnel. I am only six months down the road so very much in the midst of the pain, betrayal and hurt. There are times, that I don't think I am going to be able to get back up.

Yesterday, had the thought that I am tired of my life being shit. Not to feel sorry for myself, but I grew up in an alcoholic home, first husband, angry alcoholic, second husband, liar and cheat. I want a different life for myself!! What does that life look like? Genuine, honest, honorable, open, joyful, caring, whole, kind, loving and healthy!! I want a real partner in life, someone who will love and honor me, one that cherishes the gift of my love, someone that is worthy of my trust. Sounds like you have found such a man!!! After I am further down this healing road, can you introduce me to some of his friends?????

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