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Just trying to cope with this:(

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mommy1013 posted 5/9/2013 12:02 PM

I've been with my H for almost 7 yrs and I am 21 at the time, we have 2 kids together. we hit a very rough patch in our relationship after having our first kid, things were getting horrible by the minute. I felt certain hate towards him at the time but I loved him so much that I wanted to work things out. or I just couldn't leave him. This is how it all went and sorry if its to long. I had a friend whom I've known since we were little and grew up together, we were best friends. well I was very open with her about my problems with my H and home. She knew everything that was going on in my relationship. now I wish I never had trusted her:(. Turns out that when my H and I had fights and problems she would text him trying to consolehim. she told him if he needed a friend she was there. she is also married so she said she understood his situation because she was going through the same. That wasn't the case she was just using all the info she was getting from me to get close to him. They texted for about 2 months when they finally slept together. she would tell him I was cheating and that I had told her my feelings for him were not the same. I guess to make him feel less bad about sleeping with her. My H never seemed unhappy even when we fought so much, he would always end up saying sorry and making it up. I did suspect he was doing something iffy because he was always texting and wouldn't even let me touch his phone, I confronted him many times about it and he would say I was overreacting and jealous. turns out I wasn't over reacting after all. well one day he just disconnected his phone and changed completely with me. turned into the best in our relationship, of course I believed him about not cheating. until 6 months ago when he confessed that he had been texting my best friend for about 2 months but at first it was as friends because he felt like she completely understood him well yeah she was getting all the details from me. Then she came on to him and he felt comfort(that's what he told me). He said there was nothing there it was just texts and that when they did sleep together he only was there for 10 mins and didn't finish. till today she makes fun of him saying he's not a man because he couldn't even do it. My H says he feels stupid and used, due to the fact that she was using everything she got from me to destroy our relationship. out of all people she knew the love we had. she witnessed how he would show me that he loved me and in one occasion she even said she wished she had a relationship like ours. I just feel so disgusted . I know she was trying to destroy our relationship because her husband wanted to marry me before he married her. I feel like she just tried to get back for that and our friendship had ended long ago. I blame her mostly because it seems like she planned it all, but I know it was my H fault too. I feel like if he really loved me like he said he did he wouldn't have cheated. He says it ment nothing to him and that she even wanted him to leave me for her but he didn't and that's when he stopped replying to her texts and calls till he finally disconnected his phone. she ended up leaving with some other guy months after. I cut her out of my life completely and well I have tried to leave my H but I cant. I'm very upset with him and what is more upsetting is that he didn't even last long or finish with her. might as well have done the whole thing he cheated started texting her and decide to put it in. he destroyed our relationship over that. I feel so betrayed I don't know what to do?.. I want to be with because I truly love him and I know people make mistakes but it hurts sooo much. I don't know how long before I blow up. I cant trust anyone and I cant talk to him because it hurts to bring it up so I have it all bottled in and I feel miserable. Even though he's changed so much and keeps apologizing I have a hard time believing anything that comes out from him. He's lost all my trust and respect. How can our relationship possibly function with out trust?

Josephine01 posted 5/9/2013 12:16 PM

Oh Mommy2013,

I'm so sorry you are here and that your friend and your husband did such a horrible thing to you. It's been a while for me and I still don't fully trust my husband. If you can afford it you should get into IC.

mommy1013 posted 5/9/2013 12:29 PM

Thank You Josephine01. It's such a comfort to know I'm not the only one feeling this way. Specially when I can't trust any one else.

Lucky posted 5/9/2013 12:42 PM

((( mommy1013 )))

Welcome hon. You've been dealt a terrible blow with a double betrayal.

She sure sounds like she carefully plotted this out, but the truth is - your H chose to follow through. Being angry at her is normal. She is naturally the focus of your anger and hurt, except, your H is the one who really betrayed you the most.

Not talking of it is very dangerous to your healing, bottling things up until you explode is detrimental to your relationship.

Can you get yourselves into a good MC? Someone who is trained in infidelity and someone who can guide you through why the affair happened and how you can take steps to heal yourself, your husband can heal himself & the marriage.

There are a lot of helpful articles in the Healing Library, you will find a great source of information there.

Keep posting and reading. I'm sorry you had to find us.

Jrazz posted 5/9/2013 12:56 PM

Welcome to SI, mommy1013.

I'm so sorry you find yourself here, but you've come to a great place for support.

In addition to this forum, there are several others where you may find people who have been through something very similar to you.

In I Can Relate, we have a place for people who have been affected by the betrayal of a WS and a family member or friend.

Double Betrayal

Take care of yourself. It is possible for him to build the trust back up but it takes a LOT of work, remorse, and time for this to happen. For now, just breathe and focus on your sweet kiddos.


mommy1013 posted 5/9/2013 12:59 PM

Thank You Lucky. I agree with you that his betrayal was worse. He constantly asks me why I am so cold with him and show no affection. well hello how can it ever be the same. I'm very glad I found this website. Now I can relate to people who have been through similar situations. It feels a little awkward because I'm so young and already having to deal with this.

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