I tell myself, smile, love him, love "us" It's been working for about a week now.
Well that was a weird explanation
I don't know when your D-day was but I will tell you that if it hurts, then feel it now, vocalize it, then keep moving. Don't ignore it...the pain is going to come out someway, somehow...get it over with as it comes...it will subside.
Hugs to you,
As of now, I'd say my triggers are few and far between. Maybe 1-2 a month. And it usually has to do with an awkward situation like learning a new detail about the A (e.g., where they ate, or something like that).
IMO ...if you trigger because of a certain place they ate, go have dinner there. They went to a certain hotel...make yourself a reservation. KWIM?
Embrace the ones you can walk through, it really helps. The others, time, like everything else :)
It's kinda like looking under the bed for the boogey man. You just can't cuz you know he is there...but when you finally get the courage to lift up the bedskirt you realize there is nothing there after all....
I hope they go away at some point. It feels like a mini stab to the heart.
For example...I not only wanted to know how many times they had sex and what they did and how long they did it...I had my wife drive me to the weekend farm house in the country that her AP owns. This is where the actual sex acts took place...our own personal Ground Zero. I had her explain what she felt when she would go out there to meet him...had her explain as we drove every mile out there.
What did that do for me?
It made me RAGE. I raged a bit with her in the car...but really raged several times since just in my truck sitting across the road from this house. Yes, it sucked, but it was theraputic...
To get to this house you have to use an overpass that crosses the highway that I take to work each day...twice a day I pass that overpass. early on I would imagine my wifes car crossing it...the forbidden excitment she must have felt as she crept away to meet him...each time I went under it.
Now, many days I go under it and dont even realize I had.
Sure, if I intentionally think about it (like I did while writing this post) it still sucks eggs....but I dont trigger hard....certainly dont rage.
I am only 8 months out.
I found this site maybe 4 months out.
I kept seeing TIME being mentioned as a BIG factor. I thought no way will it take us this long.
Now I see what wisdom was being spoken throughout this site.
Be patient with yourself. Hopefully your WS is not adding injury, such as lying, along the way....any nonconstructive action on their part simply adds the dreaded TIME factor to this process.
God be with us all.
[This message edited by blakesteele at 9:31 PM, May 9th (Thursday)]