But it kills my already wounded heart to have my very first reaction be "What does he want?" followed immediately by "What has he done now that he feels guilty about to send me flowers?"
I hate hate HATE being jaded like this. Nothing taken at face value, every little thing he does and says the little voice in my head says "yeah, right, what's this really about".... I miss being able to trust.
Divorce final 2/10/14.
Throw me to the wolves and I'll return leading the pack.
I, too, wrestle with a similar feeling...not taking things at face value.
Part of the process, I guess. It is exhausting. Counselor says its normal and will lessen over time.
God be with us all.
Enjoy your flowers, regardless of the reason. They are definitely real!
BS:45 WH:47 needhelp123
8yr EA&PA w/MCOW emp/frmr emp
19y M * 25y T, 2 teens
DDay 12/31/12*5w TT
Sick tired sad
its horrible to have to question everything from a million dofferent angles. Hopefully they will lessen in time (I hope), but for me i think there will always be an element of it, stronger that i would like, and that i did'nt believe even existed from my spouse prior to dday.
hear you all! I believe nothing is what is appears to be anymore. I question the motive behind "Good Morning".
this!. This did tickle me for some reason!
Now, I strive to be a skeptic instead of a cynic.
If something which seems nice happens, a skeptic will ask "Is that true? How can I find out?" While a cynic automatically decides that "It's not true, I'm being deceived or played."
I am becoming more skeptical and less cynical as more time goes by without further betrayals. I'm happy about that.
But I doubt I'll ever unconditionally trust her again. Not for things close to my heart, anyway.
In fact, one time, my WW was doing something very nice for me. She was complimenting me and telling me how much she loves and needs me, and just being very sweet to me in emails, verbally, etc. And I couldn't help but seriously ask her, "Why are you being so nice to me?". She was confused by the question. But it was pretty simple in my mind. In fact, I really didn't have to think about it much. I just couldn't comprehend how someone who does such harmful, abusive things to you can then show you kindness? So I was a bit skeptical and really wanted to know why she was being so nice to me.
Where I am now in the R process, I hardly ever think about that. Sometimes, though, I may wonder if what she's doing is to repay a debt she got herself into with her AP. For instance, if she surprises me with a gift or something, I may wonder if it is so she can rid herself, her mind, of a 'gift' she got him? Like, it cancels out what she did for him if she does the equivalent or greater with me. I don't think that is her intention whatsoever, but on rare occasions, my mind will wander there. Perfectly normal in R, I believe.
Hopefully though, in this case your hubby is just trying to be thoughtful & make you happy. You could always ask him, what his motives are.. see how he reacts.
This is not to say that anything about this is funny...certainly it is not...but your post still triggered an audible laugh out of me!
Unsure why...but it was real and it felt GOOD!
God be with you.
So then today he texts me & says he's taking a 1/2 day off tomorrow so he can come have lunch with me! This from a man who NEVER stops working... I cannot remember the last time he took a day off. So I answerered back with 'did something happen?' and I got back this:
"Yes, something happened. I realized that you don't think you're the most important thing in my life. You're wrong about that, and I will make a point to show you that you're the center of my world.'