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KBeguile (original poster member #38348) posted at 8:22 PM on Thursday, May 9th, 2013
I think that Heart has reached the Anger phase of the roller coaster, and I want to help her get through this. I presume that the approach should be modified in some way, but I lack the sense and direction to know how to do so. Could anyone please help me?
Me: WS 34
Her: BS 37 (HeartInADustpan)
DS: 7yo
M: 9 years
DDays: 2012/11/14-2013/02/05, 2013/03/09, 2016/02/19
BaxtersBFF ( member #26859) posted at 8:32 PM on Thursday, May 9th, 2013
Follow her requests. Don't run. Face it, accept it directly. Not sure about validating...sometimes people don't want that.
Sometimes just saying "I'm sorry" is all that is wanted.
SandAway ( member #37775) posted at 8:39 PM on Thursday, May 9th, 2013
You just have to let her get through it. Be there for her, let her vent. I don't think there is anything you can do to modify it - anger will come and go for quite a while. Just be there for her, and as Baxters said, follow her requests.
fWW
BH Tred
M 19yrs
DDay Nov. 2011
Guns don't kill people; Affairs kill people
KBeguile (original poster member #38348) posted at 9:21 PM on Thursday, May 9th, 2013
Okay. I just wanted to make sure there wasn't anything seemingly non-sensical that we needed to do ("Going out in the yard with a rubber chicken in a paper bag, then waving around the bag while I hopped on one foot helped...")
Me: WS 34
Her: BS 37 (HeartInADustpan)
DS: 7yo
M: 9 years
DDays: 2012/11/14-2013/02/05, 2013/03/09, 2016/02/19
knightsbff ( member #36853) posted at 9:24 PM on Thursday, May 9th, 2013
When knight was very angry my IC helped me to look at it with more accuracy than just listening to the words.
I listened to the words of course, but I would also hear, "I'm very angry with you right now for hurting me." It helped me deal with the cursing and name calling (there wasn't much of this). I had NEVER heard my husband curse in 15 years of marriage, I had no idea he could do it so well....
fWW 40s, BH 40s
D-day 27 Aug 2012. Kids 25, 17, 13. 2 dogs.
I edit often to fix stuff ☺️
Profoundly grateful Every. Single. Day. that I am blessed with an H with strength, integrity, and compassion, and that he decided to try.
Sue1964 ( member #37057) posted at 11:57 PM on Friday, May 10th, 2013
WS replies only.
[This message edited by metamorphisis at 6:40 PM, May 10th (Friday)]
longroadhome ( member #32428) posted at 7:29 PM on Saturday, May 11th, 2013
non-sensical
and
Going out in the yard with a rubber chicken in a paper bag, then waving around the bag while I hopped on one foot
...are you trying to be humorous about this? These are the kinds of statements that make BSs think that we don't get it. Is she going to read this post?
I feel like you're saying that you're doing everything you can do and that there must be some secret rite to perform that the rest of us know about. That's just not the case. If it was, I'd be out back with two real chickens right now and wouldn't have time to respond to you.
Maybe this will help - try not to think of it as an "anger phase" and consider that it's a state of mind that you've put her in. Accept that it's more than just something she's going through and recognize that you brought it into her life.
Me: WH
Her: BW, and the most amazing, beautiful person I've ever known
It is counterintuitive really... the less we defend our well-being, the more well we feel. ~ Nancy Colier
Aubrie ( member #33886) posted at 7:42 PM on Saturday, May 11th, 2013
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne
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