SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

KBeguile posted 5/9/2013 14:22 PM

I think that Heart has reached the Anger phase of the roller coaster, and I want to help her get through this. I presume that the approach should be modified in some way, but I lack the sense and direction to know how to do so. Could anyone please help me?

BaxtersBFF posted 5/9/2013 14:32 PM

Follow her requests. Don't run. Face it, accept it directly. Not sure about validating...sometimes people don't want that.

Sometimes just saying "I'm sorry" is all that is wanted.

SandAway posted 5/9/2013 14:39 PM

You just have to let her get through it. Be there for her, let her vent. I don't think there is anything you can do to modify it - anger will come and go for quite a while. Just be there for her, and as Baxters said, follow her requests.

KBeguile posted 5/9/2013 15:21 PM

Okay. I just wanted to make sure there wasn't anything seemingly non-sensical that we needed to do ("Going out in the yard with a rubber chicken in a paper bag, then waving around the bag while I hopped on one foot helped...")

knightsbff posted 5/9/2013 15:24 PM

When knight was very angry my IC helped me to look at it with more accuracy than just listening to the words.

I listened to the words of course, but I would also hear, "I'm very angry with you right now for hurting me." It helped me deal with the cursing and name calling (there wasn't much of this). I had NEVER heard my husband curse in 15 years of marriage, I had no idea he could do it so well....

Sue1964 posted 5/10/2013 17:57 PM

WS replies only.

[This message edited by metamorphisis at 6:40 PM, May 10th (Friday)]

longroadhome posted 5/11/2013 13:29 PM

non-sensical

and

Going out in the yard with a rubber chicken in a paper bag, then waving around the bag while I hopped on one foot

...are you trying to be humorous about this? These are the kinds of statements that make BSs think that we don't get it. Is she going to read this post?

I feel like you're saying that you're doing everything you can do and that there must be some secret rite to perform that the rest of us know about. That's just not the case. If it was, I'd be out back with two real chickens right now and wouldn't have time to respond to you.

Maybe this will help - try not to think of it as an "anger phase" and consider that it's a state of mind that you've put her in. Accept that it's more than just something she's going through and recognize that you brought it into her life.

Aubrie posted 5/11/2013 13:42 PM

^^^^^ X2