The point I am trying to make is that an affair is a symptom of what is wrong with a marriage
I disagree. An affair is a symptom there is something wrong with the person having the A.
Err, both of you have wayward thinking obviously.
An A is a messed up persons way of dealing with a crap M. Look at all the BS on here who are in a crap M or relationship who don't cheat.... You are using excuses to justify what you did.
ETA: Why did you post this in R? Was it for help or to get s rise out of those in R? I'm confused....
[This message edited by MrsDoubtfire at 4:39 PM, May 9th (Thursday)]
If you are in a bad marriage/relationship
Emotionally healthy people
1. Get divorced
2. Get therapy
3. Talk with your partner...etc
Emotionally unhealthy people
1. Have affairs
3. Drink/do drugs ...etc
I believe in digging deep to resolve the issue.
I did too, it's hard work and takes years.
Stay and read, we all have different opinions
[This message edited by karmahappens at 5:41 PM, May 9th (Thursday)]
I have to agree with the others, the state of a relationship can't make someone cheat. That's the digging deep that needs to be done - and boy are we all proponents of digging deep here! But there are deeper issues, causes, psychological drivers, etc., that can be found and understood. Best of luck to you working the process and best wishes for your recovery from this.
In my case, while some of my coping mechanisms were broken nothing that I did made my wifes choice to have an A a credible option. She, like most all WS, chose an unhealthy path that is nothing but destructive.
All marriages have troubles.
My wife has repeatedly admitted to me and in counseling that there were no major issues in our marriage....no abuse, no financial strain, no excessive hobbies or work schedules...hardly even moderate everyday stress like me leaving my dirty clothes scattered about the bathroom.
And yet...she chose to have an A.
Other couples deal with much more extreme stimulus and lack far more from their marital relationship then my wife did...and they do NOT chose to have an A.
I see you are a new member.
That first 2 months after DD, while my wife was in a very heavy fog, I did many actions that I am soooo not proud of. Most of which was my need to show unreasonable support and share-taking towards and in my wifes A.
If you are really close to your DD...please try and step back and take a look at the situation as a whole before you start to jump in and take up your yoke.
It seemed so natural for me...afterall, she is my wife...and I did say for better or worse.
But there is a definite time for solo work immediately following a DD.
God be with us all.
[This message edited by blakesteele at 6:41 PM, May 9th (Thursday)]